WEBVTT
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What was going on there huh?
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We thought you were sleeping Daddy.
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How can l sleep with two Twinkie burglars roaming around?
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Can we watch Dragon Tales please?
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Yeah. Why not why not?
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Which one of these turns on the TV?
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Honey l think you just opened the garage.
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l'm just planning ahead
l know
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-P-yew! Was that a stinky-dink bug? -Good job.
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Whatever happened to
the good old days...
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...when you pulled the knob a
nd on came the boob tube?
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The O'Doyles got a universal
remote control
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One clicker controls everything
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Makes life a lot easier
for old people like you
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Well whoop-de-do
for the O'Doyles
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--tree house?
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l don't know Ask your father
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Ask me what?
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Do you think you'll have time
to finish building the tree house ever?
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Yeah Dad lt's kind of been halfway done for two months now.
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All right l want to it's just l got a lot of things going on at work right now.
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But as soon as l'm done
l'm on it l promise Hang in there
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Hey look at Sundance wrestle his duck.
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Oh, no, that's not wrestling.
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That's something you shouldn't know about for another 10 to 30 years.
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Ten for you. Thirty for you.
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Hey, Michael? l'll see you tonight at the swim meet?
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Swim meet.
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-l gotta go to that? -Yes.
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-l'm kidding you. l'll be there. Okay? -All right. l love you, Michael.
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Forever and ever, babe.
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Mr. Newman.
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Kevin O'Doyle. Yeah. Always a pleasure.
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What kind of stereo you got in that blue piece of shit?
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You know what? l never checked, Kevin.
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Yeah, well, my father's stereo is a Bose.
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Your father's stereo blows?
That's too bad.
00:03:47.190 --> 00:03:50.710
No! l said--
That's not what l said!
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His father's stereo blows!
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Come on! Pay the man, let's go!
00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:08.460
-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Good morning.
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-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Hello.
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-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Hi.
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Good morning, Mr. Newman.
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-Good morning, Mr. Newman.
-Man, Alice...
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...l was stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. When's the meeting?
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-lt started already.
-What?
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Can l go to the bathroom?
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Go to the bathroom.
l told you, you don't have to ask me.
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Well, the interesting thing, Prince Habeeboo...
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...is that the building codes in Manhattan will allow us--
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-Michael. -Sorry l'm late, sir.
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Some moron in a red Lamborghini parked in my spot so--
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Prince Habeeboo drive red Lamborghini.
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Red Lamborghini? l meant blue Ferrari.
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ls this one of your partners?
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Actually, Michael is just an associate.
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But he is one of our brightest young architects.
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Thank you.
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Walk His Majesty through our design concept.
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With pleasure.
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-Prince Haboobee-- -Habeeboo!
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Prince Habeeboo.
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Habeeboo. l thought l said that.
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When Mr. Ammer explained to me the type of man you are...
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...a visionary who prides himself on originality...
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...l said to myself, ''Let's smash the mold and redefine elegance.''
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So l present to you your restaurant.
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Where is-- Where's bar?
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Bar is-- Here's the bar. Now, the waterfall--
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Make bar longer.
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Okay. We could cut into the atrium a little bit.
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No atrium. Just make bar longer for Prince Habeeboo.
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Really?
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-Still itchy? -You got it.
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And put big drain in floor for wet T-shirt contest.
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Now, you're kidding me, right?
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Boob water's gotta go someplace, Michael.
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Let's just take out the atrium and run with that and there's your drain.
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-God. -l love it. lt is simply awesome.
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Yeah. Basically you want me to design you an Arabian hoochie house?
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How dare you compare Prince Habeeboo's Bikini Hut...
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-...to this hoochie house? -This idea's...
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...got nothing to do with hoochies, Michael.
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lt's like opposite of hoochie.
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No disrespect, Prince Hubbida Hubbida.
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-Hubba Bubba. -Habeeboo!
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Habeeboo! Hubba Bubba is chewing gum.
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Prince Habeeboo's not chewing gum.
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Prince Habeeboo, we will--
l will make this happen.
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John Ammer's office.
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l hope that atrium idea didn't
take too long to configure, Michael.
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Oh, there'll be other Junes in my life, sir.
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See that parking garage
over there on 56?
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Watsuhita wants to knock it down
and build a luxury hotel.
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-You got the commission? -Not yet.
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l just need someone to come up with a design proposal. lntrigued?
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Hell, yes.
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l'm Fourth of July-ing with the kids. When l get back, l'm all over it.
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Great. Have a great Fourth of July with the kids. l'll put Swardson on it.
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No, no. Absolutely not.
l-- l-- Can't it just wait three days?
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These guys are Japanese. They can't wait for their fish to cook.
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l guess l could talk to my wife.
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Great. See you later at happy hour with Prince Habadabee.
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My son has a swim meet tonight that l have to get to s--
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l'm just messing with you. We're good.
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Yeah, Ben!
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That's my boy! That's my boy! Kid, you were great!
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You're not my dad.
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-As far as you know. -What?
00:08:00.850 --> 00:08:02.710
l was just joking.
00:08:02.920 --> 00:08:05.980
ls he really my dad?
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Come on, come on!
Yes, Ben. Yes, you did it!
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Honey, you were so great.
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Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin or something? That was incredible.
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You just got here, Dad.
l saw you.
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What do you mean l just got here?
Why are you saying that?
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l saw you.
You jumped in there you swam here.
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-Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?
-He was doing the shut-up.
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Hey. Good thing is Daddy was here to see you finish.
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He didn't see me finish.
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He was hanging out with Ping Woo
for some reason.
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-Yeah, what was that about, huh?
-The kid was drowning.
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l'm gonna let him drown?
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Nobody goes drowning in my pool.
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How you doing? Bill Herlihy.
Ben's coach. You must be Dad.
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Michael Speedo--
Michael Newman. Sorry.
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Big Ben, that was great progress out there, huh?
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Just remember, right arm out, head turns left. Left arm out--
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Head turns right. l know.
l just forgot at the end.
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Well, that's all right.
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You master that, people are gonna think you're a half a dolphin out there.
00:09:00.770 --> 00:09:02.830
-Really?
-Yeah.
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Cute.
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Hello? Mr. Ammer.
00:09:16.060 --> 00:09:18.820
Ben, honey, slow down.
lt's not a race.
00:09:19.030 --> 00:09:20.720
That's his second one in five minutes.
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Keeps eating more and more.
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He's like a machine.
He can't still be hungry.
00:09:25.930 --> 00:09:29.430
He's not. He's just doing whatever Michael's doing. lt's driving me crazy.
00:09:29.640 --> 00:09:33.300
Everything Michael's been doing lately is very unhealthy for him.
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He's gonna kill himself.
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Like a signature building
we're talking about.
00:09:39.450 --> 00:09:40.850
Oh, my God.
00:09:42.680 --> 00:09:44.240
Scared the crap out of me.
00:09:44.850 --> 00:09:47.220
Dad, how much longer are you gonna live?
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-One minute.
-One minute?
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-Daddy's gonna die in one minute!
-Oh, no, honey.
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Don't worry. l'm not dying.
00:09:54.900 --> 00:09:58.760
l'm gonna live for 200 years.
ls that long enough for you and me?
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-Promise?
-l promise. Swear. Come here.
00:10:04.410 --> 00:10:06.030
You son of a bitch!
00:10:06.240 --> 00:10:09.000
Hey! There are families here!
00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:11.540
Show some respect, you pieces of shit!
00:10:12.280 --> 00:10:15.040
Go home and watch VH1, old man.
00:10:15.250 --> 00:10:18.080
Don't light another damn one!
00:10:19.390 --> 00:10:21.910
Benjamin. Benjamin. What am l holding?
00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:24.920
A quarter. Now, Grandma does not let me eat ice cream...
00:10:25.130 --> 00:10:26.720
-...because of my diabetes.
-True.
00:10:26.930 --> 00:10:30.590
But she says nothing, however, about a tasty quarter.
00:10:31.030 --> 00:10:32.290
Okay.
00:10:34.500 --> 00:10:36.090
All right. All right.
00:10:36.300 --> 00:10:40.030
Very quickly, please, count to three because it tastes terrible.
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:43.570
One, two, three.
00:10:45.210 --> 00:10:46.840
Are you shitting me?
00:10:47.050 --> 00:10:49.810
First he's eating like his father, now you're talking like him?
00:10:50.020 --> 00:10:52.380
-Ben.
-Don't you ever say that again.
00:10:52.590 --> 00:10:55.920
-Sorry, Grandma. -How do you do that, Grandpa?
00:10:56.290 --> 00:10:58.990
A good magician never reveals his secrets.
00:10:59.190 --> 00:11:01.790
Your daddy has wanted to know how l've done that trick...
00:11:02.000 --> 00:11:03.120
...since he was your age.
00:11:03.330 --> 00:11:04.730
lsn't that true, son?
00:11:04.930 --> 00:11:07.260
Hey, Michael. Michael, who are you talking to?
00:11:07.470 --> 00:11:10.460
Jesus. l'm talking to my boss, Ma.
Take it easy.
00:11:10.670 --> 00:11:12.330
Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life.
00:11:12.540 --> 00:11:14.770
You got family here.
You're busy. Come on.
00:11:14.980 --> 00:11:16.310
My mother says hello.
00:11:16.510 --> 00:11:18.740
Oh, he's such a big boy, isn't he?
00:11:18.950 --> 00:11:22.290
On his big cell phone. Big boy.
00:11:22.490 --> 00:11:27.830
That's it. Get some sleep. Thank you Mr. Ammer. All right. Good night.
00:11:28.030 --> 00:11:30.470
-Are you done? Can we relax now?
-Sorry.
00:11:32.100 --> 00:11:34.540
Eat me, grandpa!
00:11:34.970 --> 00:11:36.030
You're dead.
00:11:36.710 --> 00:11:39.970
-Oh, shit! -Yeah, you better run!
00:11:40.180 --> 00:11:41.970
l kicked your father's ass in high school!
00:11:42.180 --> 00:11:43.510
Now l'm gonna kick yours!
00:11:43.710 --> 00:11:46.440
l hate that man.
00:11:46.750 --> 00:11:48.880
Okay, good night, you two cowboys.
00:11:49.090 --> 00:11:51.580
-Reach for the sky, Pocahontas.
-No, back to bed.
00:11:51.790 --> 00:11:55.380
Come on. Pocahontas is off duty.
l'm out of here.
00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.560
You getting sick, sheriff?
00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:03.060
l don't got time to be sick, so no.
00:12:03.270 --> 00:12:06.130
l need to watch this documentary
on Asian architecture.
00:12:06.340 --> 00:12:09.070
Well, you gotta get some rest sometime, sweetheart.
00:12:09.270 --> 00:12:11.540
Besides, the woodland creatures
will laugh at you...
00:12:11.740 --> 00:12:14.340
...if you collapse trying to
put up the tent this weekend.
00:12:15.450 --> 00:12:18.970
Yeah. l forgot to tell you.
00:12:19.420 --> 00:12:21.510
We gotta postpone the camping trip.
00:12:22.220 --> 00:12:24.080
Ammer put me on a project.
00:12:24.290 --> 00:12:26.690
lt's due Tuesday.
lf l don't finish, l'm off it, so....
00:12:26.890 --> 00:12:29.050
The kids have been talking about
camping all year.
00:12:29.260 --> 00:12:30.350
Think l don't know that?
00:12:30.560 --> 00:12:32.830
lt's just every choice l make,
everything l do...
00:12:33.030 --> 00:12:34.930
...l disappoint somebody.
00:12:35.130 --> 00:12:37.730
Make sure you don't keep
disappointing the wrong people.
00:12:37.940 --> 00:12:40.460
l'm not out drinking or gambling or hitting on chicks.
00:12:40.670 --> 00:12:43.440
l'm working my ass off so my family can have a better life...
00:12:43.640 --> 00:12:45.400
...than l dreamed of when l was a kid.
00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:49.540
The only way for that to happen is
for me to watch this stinking show!
00:12:49.750 --> 00:12:51.580
So relax, hon.
00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:56.610
Are you kidding me?
00:12:56.820 --> 00:12:59.850
Will you give me a break one time?
00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:03.890
Damn it! The O'Doyles got a stinking universal remote control.
00:13:04.090 --> 00:13:05.930
We're gonna have one too.
00:13:06.130 --> 00:13:07.890
l'm sick of this.
00:13:12.500 --> 00:13:14.970
You want me to open the garage for you?
00:13:27.950 --> 00:13:28.920
Closed.
00:13:31.660 --> 00:13:32.620
Closed.
00:13:34.460 --> 00:13:35.430
Open.
00:13:35.630 --> 00:13:37.960
Bed Bath & Beyond it is.
00:13:43.330 --> 00:13:44.960
Hey, man?
00:13:45.170 --> 00:13:48.100
You guys got any universal remote
controls in there?
00:13:48.310 --> 00:13:51.170
-For a shower curtain or a bathmat?
-For a television.
00:13:52.010 --> 00:13:54.310
l don't think so. Maybe for a blanket?
00:13:54.510 --> 00:13:56.100
You got a remote for a blanket?
00:13:56.850 --> 00:13:59.280
Sorry, l don't work here.
l'm waiting for my friends.
00:13:59.480 --> 00:14:00.850
You're kidding me.
00:14:01.050 --> 00:14:04.080
Actually, yes. l don't have any friends. Will you be my friend?
00:14:08.230 --> 00:14:09.850
Wow, man.
00:14:12.830 --> 00:14:15.590
Bed. Bed.
00:14:15.800 --> 00:14:18.560
Bath. Bath.
00:14:18.770 --> 00:14:20.460
Bed.
00:14:22.640 --> 00:14:25.300
So tired of my life.
00:14:31.010 --> 00:14:32.210
Beyond?
00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:11.080
Sorry to sneak up on you. l just--
00:15:11.290 --> 00:15:13.590
You guys got a universal remote control back here?
00:15:15.960 --> 00:15:19.220
Something stinks like stale french fries.
00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:22.570
All right, that's probably me.
00:15:22.770 --> 00:15:25.560
You know, fast food shortens your life.
00:15:25.770 --> 00:15:27.000
Yeah, that's what l heard.
00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:30.370
But the way my life's been going lately, that ain't such a bad thing.
00:15:30.570 --> 00:15:32.740
You're looking for a universal remote control?
00:15:32.940 --> 00:15:35.380
Yeah. Just one device to do it all for me...
00:15:35.580 --> 00:15:39.710
...make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated.
00:15:39.920 --> 00:15:43.350
l'm not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy.
00:15:43.550 --> 00:15:45.180
Hey. Somebody noticed. Thank you.
00:15:45.390 --> 00:15:47.450
l'm gonna show you a remote we just got in...
00:15:47.660 --> 00:15:50.220
...that's probably the most advanced piece of technology...
00:15:50.430 --> 00:15:51.520
...we have in this place.
00:15:51.900 --> 00:15:54.630
-Sounds sweet. -lt is sweet.
00:15:54.830 --> 00:15:59.460
The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.
00:15:59.670 --> 00:16:04.400
l guess the O'Doyles' remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then.
00:16:04.610 --> 00:16:07.100
l don't know the O'Doyles...
00:16:08.310 --> 00:16:09.970
...but they can bite it hard.
00:16:10.180 --> 00:16:11.550
Yeah.
00:16:11.750 --> 00:16:13.150
Come in the back with me.
00:16:13.650 --> 00:16:15.170
Okay.
00:16:16.150 --> 00:16:18.380
This is-- This is very nice of you.
00:16:18.870 --> 00:16:21.730
-What's your name, anyways?
-Call me Morty.
00:16:21.940 --> 00:16:23.230
Morty, l'm Michael Newman.
00:16:23.640 --> 00:16:25.700
Michael Newman.
00:16:27.540 --> 00:16:29.440
l'm about to rock your world.
00:16:29.880 --> 00:16:31.070
Okay.
00:16:40.420 --> 00:16:44.220
l gotta be honest with you.
This place looks bigger from the outside.
00:16:44.420 --> 00:16:46.190
Just kidding.
00:16:47.590 --> 00:16:48.960
Hey, hey.
00:17:08.080 --> 00:17:09.880
l think maybe there in the middle?
00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:24.960
Sneaky.
00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:32.470
Where's the box? Does it come with directions?
00:17:32.670 --> 00:17:34.200
Not necessary.
00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:37.970
Just point, click.
00:17:38.180 --> 00:17:40.310
Eventually, it will program itself.
00:17:43.220 --> 00:17:44.210
How much is this thing?
00:17:44.420 --> 00:17:46.910
Because l ain't exactly Thurston Howell, you know?
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:50.420
Lucky for you it's not in the bar-code system yet.
00:17:50.620 --> 00:17:53.890
So l'm gonna have to just give it to you.
00:17:54.090 --> 00:17:56.530
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's the catch here, man?
00:17:56.730 --> 00:18:00.170
Want me to take my shirt off for you? Because l don't play for that team.
00:18:00.370 --> 00:18:03.060
Hey. Man, get out of here.
00:18:03.900 --> 00:18:05.240
Why are you doing this, then?
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:09.170
Because good guys need a break
every once in a while.
00:18:10.180 --> 00:18:11.370
Take it.
00:18:12.210 --> 00:18:13.180
Enjoy.
00:18:16.120 --> 00:18:17.340
All right.
00:18:17.550 --> 00:18:19.850
Only one thing you need to know, Michael.
00:18:20.050 --> 00:18:22.720
This item is nonreturnable.
00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:26.450
Why would l wanna return something l got for free?
00:18:47.850 --> 00:18:50.720
Twinkie. You don't need it. You don't need it, man.
00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:54.220
You do need a Yodel, though.
Okay. Good job.
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.250
Let's see what you got, mate.
00:19:04.700 --> 00:19:08.960
Look at me, turning my own TV on.
l'm a freaking whiz kid.
00:19:10.100 --> 00:19:12.000
--residential architecture....
00:19:12.210 --> 00:19:14.070
-So l talked to the kids.
-Oh, yeah?
00:19:14.270 --> 00:19:17.110
They're very understanding about not going camping this weekend.
00:19:17.310 --> 00:19:20.070
-Great.
-They could have a sleepover instead.
00:19:20.280 --> 00:19:22.540
That's a great idea.
Thank you, thank you.
00:19:22.750 --> 00:19:25.380
Thanks for being so cool about this too.
00:19:25.590 --> 00:19:28.020
-Can l ask you something?
-Yes.
00:19:28.220 --> 00:19:32.180
After you do all this work and become a big player at your company...
00:19:32.390 --> 00:19:34.690
...do you think you're gonna have more time for us...
00:19:34.900 --> 00:19:37.420
...or are things just gonna get even more out of control?
00:19:37.630 --> 00:19:40.500
Wait. When l get to that place
and become a boss...
00:19:40.700 --> 00:19:43.360
...a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing l'm gonna do...
00:19:43.570 --> 00:19:46.230
...is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work.
00:19:46.440 --> 00:19:49.640
So then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want.
00:19:49.840 --> 00:19:51.780
You just gotta give me some time.
00:19:54.150 --> 00:19:55.980
Don't give me that look.
00:19:56.180 --> 00:19:59.520
l'm just saying, give me some support.
All right?
00:19:59.720 --> 00:20:01.980
l love you. Go to sleep.
00:20:02.190 --> 00:20:05.250
-Just think about it, Michael. -Absolutely.
00:20:05.460 --> 00:20:06.650
And stop with the Yodels.
00:20:06.860 --> 00:20:09.060
-You're gonna wake up 400 pounds.
-Okay.
00:20:21.580 --> 00:20:25.340
Hey, hey, hey. Keep it down, dude. Everybody's sleeping.
00:20:27.710 --> 00:20:28.870
You gotta poop again?
00:20:29.520 --> 00:20:32.250
Why don't you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck, okay?
00:20:33.650 --> 00:20:38.610
Will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down?
00:21:04.420 --> 00:21:05.610
l guess when you combine...
00:21:05.820 --> 00:21:09.220
...mass quantities of cough syrup with Yodels...
00:21:09.420 --> 00:21:11.580
...you get acid.
00:21:15.430 --> 00:21:16.760
Go.
00:21:24.750 --> 00:21:27.050
Hey, you said you gotta go. Go already, man.
00:21:33.620 --> 00:21:35.450
Sniffy Longdroppings, today.
00:22:06.560 --> 00:22:08.150
Holy motherfu--!
00:22:10.390 --> 00:22:12.520
Yeah, l mean, you're right.
ln the short run...
00:22:12.730 --> 00:22:15.200
...plastic surgery is a hassle.
00:22:15.400 --> 00:22:17.730
But six months later...
00:22:17.930 --> 00:22:19.600
...l'm gonna have a face and a body...
00:22:19.800 --> 00:22:22.170
...that's gonna get me to places
where l wanna be.
00:22:24.270 --> 00:22:27.330
Oh, my mother, typical you know, she says:
00:22:27.540 --> 00:22:30.710
''Oh, this procedure is too risky.''
00:22:30.910 --> 00:22:34.280
lf Samantha wanted her cheekbones shaved down, l think l'd freak out too.
00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:37.610
l know, but l just think, you know,
they're too Slavic.
00:22:37.820 --> 00:22:39.450
You should get some work done.
00:22:39.660 --> 00:22:43.090
Then maybe Michael will wanna
hang out with you too.
00:22:44.890 --> 00:22:48.350
Morning, Michael.
You're looking very crappy today.
00:22:48.570 --> 00:22:51.630
Morning, Janine, you're looking very Slavic.
00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:56.900
You're just jealous because Donna and l are going to the gym...
00:22:57.110 --> 00:22:59.200
...and all the guys are gonna
be hitting on us.
00:23:03.780 --> 00:23:06.610
Michael knows
he's my one and only.
00:23:06.820 --> 00:23:08.040
Forever and ever, babe.
00:23:08.850 --> 00:23:12.150
Sorry about last night.
And l love you. l'm s--
00:23:12.360 --> 00:23:14.820
Oh, my God. l want that so bad.
00:23:15.020 --> 00:23:19.930
A husband that l can kiss and
love and give juice to.
00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:23.900
You've already cheated on three
different husbands with their brothers.
00:23:24.100 --> 00:23:26.900
l think you've given enough
juice to everybody.
00:23:28.440 --> 00:23:30.100
Love juice.
00:23:30.570 --> 00:23:33.010
You know way too much about me.
00:23:33.210 --> 00:23:36.110
l should never have done that Montel Williams show.
00:23:36.310 --> 00:23:38.180
Even Montel Williams thinks you're crazy...
00:23:38.380 --> 00:23:39.710
...and he's seen a lot of shit.
00:23:40.280 --> 00:23:42.910
l was desperate for companionship!
00:23:43.120 --> 00:23:44.850
All of my husbands....
00:23:45.050 --> 00:23:47.520
All of them have emotionally
abandoned me.
00:23:47.720 --> 00:23:51.490
They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers.
00:23:51.690 --> 00:23:53.660
-You're a horndog.
-Michael.
00:23:53.860 --> 00:23:55.990
-Okay, sweetie. Calm it down.
-No, no!
00:23:56.200 --> 00:23:59.600
l have had self-esteem issues
since l was a kid.
00:23:59.800 --> 00:24:03.800
l had a rabbit named Pepper.
And that rabbit abandoned me too!
00:24:04.010 --> 00:24:06.600
Even the rabbit did! Even the rabb--
00:24:12.750 --> 00:24:13.770
Don't look at me!
00:24:14.420 --> 00:24:16.390
-What's wrong with me?
-Bunny rabbit, bunny--
00:24:19.590 --> 00:24:23.030
Here's the pitch to Matsui. A deep drive.
00:24:23.230 --> 00:24:25.460
Oh, my, it's out of here!
00:24:25.660 --> 00:24:30.600
A two-run shot into the right-field seats for Hideki Matsui.
00:24:31.600 --> 00:24:33.000
l'm sorry. What was that?
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:35.830
She has so many problems. Why do you have to be so mean?
00:24:37.470 --> 00:24:40.100
l don't know, l-- Hello.
00:24:41.910 --> 00:24:43.570
l gotta go.
00:24:47.550 --> 00:24:49.750
Yeah, good RoboDog.
00:24:49.950 --> 00:24:52.420
And he can bark in over six different languages.
00:24:52.620 --> 00:24:54.320
lt's so cool.
00:24:54.520 --> 00:24:57.290
Yeah, it's much cooler than your stupid, human dog.
00:24:57.490 --> 00:25:00.360
Hey, Dad, see Kevin's new robot dog?
00:25:00.560 --> 00:25:02.290
Yeah, yeah. Very nice.
00:25:02.500 --> 00:25:06.090
''Very nice''? This thing is worth
more than your car.
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:11.270
-Not anymore it ain't.
-RoboDog!
00:25:18.250 --> 00:25:20.150
Hey, hey, hey.
00:25:20.350 --> 00:25:24.720
Okay. ls this some sort of reality show? Are you the host?
00:25:24.920 --> 00:25:27.320
Morty? Where are the cameras?
00:25:27.520 --> 00:25:32.290
Got everybody in on it, huh?
Sundance did very well also.
00:25:33.430 --> 00:25:37.630
All right, America! Have your laugh! I'm an idiot!
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:40.290
Donna, l'm gonna get you!
00:25:40.500 --> 00:25:42.160
Fast-forward.
00:25:43.870 --> 00:25:45.670
Nobody's laughing at you, Michael.
00:25:45.880 --> 00:25:51.310
You wanted a universal remote control that remote-controls your universe.
00:25:52.450 --> 00:25:55.820
Yeah, but what controls my dance skills?
00:26:03.690 --> 00:26:04.850
Oh, Morty likes it too.
00:26:07.100 --> 00:26:09.000
Michael, just hit menu.
00:26:09.870 --> 00:26:10.990
On the remote?
00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:14.860
No, the menu at the Red Lobster. Yes, on the remote.
00:26:20.790 --> 00:26:22.050
Where are we?
00:26:26.490 --> 00:26:28.790
-Go, Michael, go!
-One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:31.960
-What have I got here?
-Two, three.
00:26:32.170 --> 00:26:34.660
Cough syrup's kicking in again.
00:26:34.870 --> 00:26:38.030
-We have a boy!
-Is it gonna work?
00:26:38.240 --> 00:26:39.360
What is this?
00:26:39.570 --> 00:26:42.170
-All right, I love you, Michael. -Your life menu.
00:26:43.140 --> 00:26:44.970
My life has a commentary?
00:26:45.180 --> 00:26:47.480
lt's chock-full of goodies.
00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:50.410
-Click it.
-Click it.
00:26:51.820 --> 00:26:54.310
This is last Tuesday.
00:26:54.520 --> 00:26:58.510
Michael was eagerly awaiting the arrival of his lunch order.
00:26:58.730 --> 00:27:00.280
Who's that, James Earl Jones?
00:27:00.490 --> 00:27:02.980
James Earl does a lot of voice-over work.
00:27:03.200 --> 00:27:05.530
But his anticipation quickly turned to dismay...
00:27:05.730 --> 00:27:08.330
...as he realized Alice had brought him a cheeseburger...
00:27:08.530 --> 00:27:10.370
...instead of a hamburger as he requested.
00:27:10.570 --> 00:27:12.600
A cheeseburger? l said a hamburger.
00:27:12.810 --> 00:27:13.970
She always does this to me.
00:27:14.170 --> 00:27:17.070
Michael considered demanding that Alice scrape the cheese off...
00:27:17.280 --> 00:27:18.300
...but decided not to...
00:27:18.510 --> 00:27:20.070
...fearing that Alice may spit in...
00:27:20.280 --> 00:27:23.840
...or otherwise defile the burger in some manner.
00:27:24.050 --> 00:27:25.680
A wise decision...
00:27:25.890 --> 00:27:29.950
...for that was exactly
what Alice was planning to do.
00:27:31.360 --> 00:27:33.590
-Are you kidding me?
-Sneaky.
00:27:33.790 --> 00:27:36.020
My God.
00:27:39.670 --> 00:27:41.760
What else we got here?
00:27:43.340 --> 00:27:45.800
-''Making of''?
-Just click.
00:27:46.840 --> 00:27:49.810
Hey, hey, psychedelic.
Where are we?
00:27:51.340 --> 00:27:53.340
ls this a porno or something?
00:27:53.550 --> 00:27:55.910
Oh, Ted. Oh, Teddy!
00:27:56.120 --> 00:27:57.380
ls that my parents?
00:27:57.580 --> 00:27:59.950
They're making you.
Like bunny rabbits.
00:28:00.150 --> 00:28:02.850
-That's the spot.
-Smack my heinie!
00:28:03.060 --> 00:28:06.290
Change the channel!
How do you do this?
00:28:07.590 --> 00:28:08.990
l can't see.
00:28:09.200 --> 00:28:12.260
-What happened?
-What--?
00:28:12.470 --> 00:28:16.900
The floor is so mushy and slippery.
Feels good on my feet.
00:28:17.100 --> 00:28:20.230
Check it out.
You hit the fast-forward button.
00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:23.000
l believe we're sometime
after your conception.
00:28:23.210 --> 00:28:25.540
Okay, very good, Mrs. Newman.
00:28:25.750 --> 00:28:28.840
No! We're in my mother's vagina?
00:28:29.050 --> 00:28:31.740
Again. And push.
00:28:31.950 --> 00:28:34.780
-lt's a girl.
-lt's a girl!
00:28:34.990 --> 00:28:37.980
-Oh, lt's a girl. Thank you so much.
-Thank you for that.
00:28:38.190 --> 00:28:40.660
Wait a minute. l'm sorry,
it might be a boy.
00:28:40.860 --> 00:28:42.760
What do you mean, ''might be''?
What is that?
00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:44.160
Maybe that's a penis.
00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:46.920
Maybe that's a pe--?
That's a penis. That's my penis.
00:28:47.130 --> 00:28:50.260
Can l see that?
Can you bring that a little closer?
00:28:50.470 --> 00:28:51.440
See?
00:28:51.870 --> 00:28:53.900
-That's a tiny schmeckel.
-Yeah?
00:28:54.110 --> 00:28:55.570
-We have a boy!
-We have a boy!
00:28:55.780 --> 00:29:00.040
Your mother must have
some superpower eyesight...
00:29:00.250 --> 00:29:03.180
...because l didn't see anything.
00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:04.580
Let's get out of here.
00:29:06.850 --> 00:29:08.820
So if you think about it...
00:29:09.020 --> 00:29:12.550
...l can reexperience
any part of my life l want to.
00:29:12.760 --> 00:29:14.280
lt's amazing.
00:29:15.500 --> 00:29:18.830
What happened? Oh, God
what did l do?
00:29:19.030 --> 00:29:21.120
Hello? How do l
get you back here, pal?
00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:23.370
Gotcha.
00:29:24.600 --> 00:29:26.230
l'm not freaked out enough?
00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:28.270
lt's simple. Think of a time and a place...
00:29:28.470 --> 00:29:31.030
...hit rewind, and you're there.
00:29:32.180 --> 00:29:34.670
Time and a place. Time and a place.
00:29:40.520 --> 00:29:43.550
Oh, my God. Lake Winnipesaukee.
00:29:44.020 --> 00:29:46.250
That's me in the Jets shirt.
00:29:46.460 --> 00:29:48.120
Go, little me, go!
00:29:51.530 --> 00:29:53.500
Good hands! Nice hands.
00:29:53.700 --> 00:29:54.930
Michael!
00:29:55.430 --> 00:29:59.730
Michael, dinner's almost ready.
lnvite your friends if you want to.
00:30:00.340 --> 00:30:03.780
So any of you wanna come by my tent for some supper?
00:30:03.980 --> 00:30:06.910
Or we could eat at my Winnebago
and watch Three's Company.
00:30:09.650 --> 00:30:11.240
Three's Company.
00:30:11.780 --> 00:30:14.080
That's humiliating.
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.910
Mom, why can't we camp in an RV
like every other family?
00:30:20.130 --> 00:30:21.960
Oh, come on. You call that camping?
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:24.760
How can you get close to nature
in a tin can like that?
00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:28.460
Plus, it's more fun to have to
keep each other warm at night.
00:30:29.000 --> 00:30:30.590
Don't you know it.
00:30:39.750 --> 00:30:42.480
-No cupcakes yet.
-But l'm starving.
00:30:42.680 --> 00:30:44.950
l agree with you, Michael.
You know how hungry l am?
00:30:45.150 --> 00:30:48.140
l am so hungry,
l could eat this.
00:30:48.350 --> 00:30:50.820
Oh, this is where the quarter
trick started.
00:30:57.360 --> 00:30:58.960
How the heck did he do that?
00:30:59.170 --> 00:31:02.330
Oh, it's a trick coin you
buy at a magic shop.
00:31:02.540 --> 00:31:04.560
l just couldn't let him
know l knew that.
00:31:04.770 --> 00:31:06.240
That's sweet.
00:31:06.440 --> 00:31:09.370
Now, l gotta get back to work,
so hit play.
00:31:17.430 --> 00:31:21.020
lt's a very powerful device.
Use it with caution.
00:31:21.230 --> 00:31:22.660
Okay.
00:31:24.200 --> 00:31:25.190
Who are you?
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:27.490
You know who l am.
00:31:28.540 --> 00:31:29.660
Morty?
00:31:29.870 --> 00:31:32.360
lf you have any questions...
00:31:32.980 --> 00:31:34.570
...call me.
00:31:43.020 --> 00:31:47.850
No, Linda, l think Stacy
gets the most-beautiful-feet award.
00:31:48.060 --> 00:31:49.580
You wanted to see me?
00:31:49.790 --> 00:31:52.850
Michael. Look, l'm heading out to the Hamptons in a couple of minutes.
00:31:53.060 --> 00:31:54.190
l'm counting on you.
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:56.460
This hotel project? lt's a big fish.
00:31:56.670 --> 00:32:00.530
You reel it in for me and it's ''Howdy, partner.''
00:32:04.010 --> 00:32:05.410
Okay. Thank you.
00:32:05.610 --> 00:32:09.340
Screw it up, though, and it's ''Back to the mailroom, atrium boy.''
00:32:11.950 --> 00:32:13.250
Mr. Ammer, Denise just called.
00:32:13.450 --> 00:32:16.820
She's gotta go to rehab again, so she can't make it to the Hamptons.
00:32:17.020 --> 00:32:19.250
l'm gonna be alone on the Fourth of July?
00:32:19.620 --> 00:32:22.350
Mr. Ammer, if you need female
companionship this weekend...
00:32:22.560 --> 00:32:25.050
...my wife's friend Janine, wow.
00:32:26.600 --> 00:32:29.830
Really? What's she like?
00:32:30.500 --> 00:32:35.270
Let's just say she will eat you up, sir.
00:32:37.410 --> 00:32:38.960
Excuse me. l'm sorry to interrupt...
00:32:39.180 --> 00:32:41.300
-...but this is kind of important.
-Okay.
00:32:43.210 --> 00:32:45.270
-Go to the bathroom.
-Okay.
00:32:56.490 --> 00:32:59.520
Dude! You suck so bad.
00:32:59.730 --> 00:33:01.790
Do not. Hey, Dad.
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:03.760
How you doing, buddy?
Playing some catch?
00:33:03.970 --> 00:33:07.800
Actually, we're playing some drop,
because Ben hasn't caught one yet.
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.770
Darn it.
00:33:23.750 --> 00:33:25.950
You're a regular Derek Jeter yourself, O'Doyle.
00:33:26.320 --> 00:33:28.810
-Love you, kid.
-Love you too, Dad.
00:33:29.590 --> 00:33:32.120
Mommy!
00:33:32.930 --> 00:33:35.590
No, l know. Well l thought she should've gotten voted off.
00:33:35.800 --> 00:33:38.230
But did you see her Kate Spade handbag? lt was gorgeous.
00:33:38.430 --> 00:33:41.060
Wait, hold on a second, Trudy.
l gotta say hi to your son.
00:33:41.270 --> 00:33:45.300
-l told your parents to come for dinner. -Really? That sounds good.
00:33:45.510 --> 00:33:47.910
lt'd be fun for them to be here for the sleepover.
00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:51.410
Okay, so great. Yeah.
00:33:51.610 --> 00:33:54.010
We'll see you guys later.
Okay, bye-bye.
00:33:54.220 --> 00:33:57.340
lt's not gonna kill you to eat dinner with your family, sweetie.
00:33:57.550 --> 00:34:00.390
l know, l just gotta build
an entire model tonight.
00:34:01.720 --> 00:34:05.180
-l'm the leader!
-No, l'm the leader!
00:34:07.160 --> 00:34:09.100
Go say hi to Daddy. Go on.
00:34:12.100 --> 00:34:14.570
l can't take a whole night of this.
00:34:14.770 --> 00:34:18.070
-And l'm not going to.
-Q, R, S, T, U--
00:34:24.150 --> 00:34:25.550
Cool.
00:34:25.750 --> 00:34:28.950
l can skip chapters.
00:34:34.760 --> 00:34:36.090
What a family.
00:34:37.790 --> 00:34:41.560
All right, let's
get dinner over with. Next.
00:34:41.760 --> 00:34:43.200
Next.
00:34:43.400 --> 00:34:46.430
Everyone's done but you, buddy.
Let's go.
00:34:48.500 --> 00:34:50.870
Will you stop already?
00:34:51.070 --> 00:34:54.940
Oh, boy, Dad's quarter trick.
l can't wait not to see it.
00:34:56.910 --> 00:34:58.710
Alone in my basement at last.
00:34:58.910 --> 00:35:02.980
Should l do my work and become
partner now? l think so.
00:35:04.620 --> 00:35:06.490
Let's get to it.
00:35:07.290 --> 00:35:08.760
-Michael?
-Yo.
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:10.520
We don't wanna interrupt.
00:35:10.730 --> 00:35:12.560
We're taking off.
Thanks for a great night.
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:14.420
You had a fun time hanging out with me?
00:35:14.630 --> 00:35:16.560
That was-- We did good, right?
00:35:17.130 --> 00:35:18.620
-Good night, honey.
-Love you.
00:35:19.200 --> 00:35:23.330
My schmeckel got bigger now that l'm older, just so you guys know that.
00:35:23.540 --> 00:35:25.940
lt couldn't have gotten any smaller.
00:35:26.740 --> 00:35:27.830
Yeah, yeah.
00:35:28.040 --> 00:35:31.140
lt looked like a little Tic Tac.
00:35:31.350 --> 00:35:34.410
Yeah, come here,
l'll freshen your breath.
00:35:35.620 --> 00:35:37.050
-Bye, you guys.
-Bye, sweetie.
00:35:37.250 --> 00:35:39.150
Good night, sweetie.
00:35:41.720 --> 00:35:43.280
Great dinner, honey.
00:35:43.490 --> 00:35:45.760
See? Was that so bad?
00:35:45.960 --> 00:35:47.830
Kidding me? l had fun.
00:35:48.030 --> 00:35:51.760
Good for you. Can you watch the gang for 10 minutes while l clean up?
00:35:51.970 --> 00:35:54.270
Can't you? l just--
l got so much stuff to do here.
00:35:54.470 --> 00:35:55.870
Oh, you got stuff to do?
00:35:56.070 --> 00:35:58.510
l got ghost stories, charades the dishes...
00:35:58.710 --> 00:36:01.470
...and then l gotta sew the duck's head back on for Sundance...
00:36:01.680 --> 00:36:03.300
...and fix his butthole.
00:36:03.510 --> 00:36:04.600
Way to go, champ.
00:36:06.150 --> 00:36:08.010
l wish l had time to do all that stuff.
00:36:08.220 --> 00:36:09.650
Give me a break, Michael.
00:36:09.850 --> 00:36:11.820
You're a big boy.
You set your own priorities.
00:36:12.030 --> 00:36:14.400
l'm asking for 10 minutes,
not for like, a whole day.
00:36:14.600 --> 00:36:15.970
You don't have to do that much.
00:36:16.170 --> 00:36:18.970
How big a deal is that?
l am so tired of having this argument.
00:36:26.810 --> 00:36:29.540
l skipped the whole fight.
00:36:32.620 --> 00:36:34.090
Babe?
00:36:35.550 --> 00:36:37.850
-l can't sleep. -You can't?
00:36:38.060 --> 00:36:39.650
l feel bad that we keep arguing.
00:36:39.860 --> 00:36:42.990
l know. Don't be upset, okay?
00:36:43.200 --> 00:36:46.560
-l was a jerk.
-You are a jerk.
00:36:46.770 --> 00:36:48.320
-l love you.
-l love you too.
00:36:49.500 --> 00:36:51.490
-Yes. That smells good.
-What?
00:36:54.070 --> 00:36:56.130
Michael. Stop it.
The sleepover will catch us.
00:36:56.340 --> 00:36:58.440
They ain't gonna hear us. Come on.
00:36:59.210 --> 00:37:02.200
Okay. Quietly try and coax me into it.
00:37:02.410 --> 00:37:04.410
l gotta get back to work. Can't we just do it?
00:37:04.620 --> 00:37:06.590
No, we can't just do it. Honey, come on.
00:37:07.120 --> 00:37:10.850
l mean, l don't have any new moves for you. lt's the same stuff.
00:37:11.060 --> 00:37:13.750
Just think of last time and use that.
00:37:13.960 --> 00:37:16.590
l like the old moves. Come on.
00:37:18.160 --> 00:37:19.130
All right.
00:37:19.330 --> 00:37:21.300
This time you be Sundance l'll be the duck.
00:37:21.500 --> 00:37:24.900
-Yeah?
-But you gotta massage me first.
00:37:25.100 --> 00:37:28.400
Great, l love giving massages.
00:37:33.450 --> 00:37:35.910
Massaging away here.
00:37:38.050 --> 00:37:41.110
Oh, that feels good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:37:52.670 --> 00:37:56.000
-We did it?
-Well, you did.
00:37:57.540 --> 00:38:00.230
l didn't want the whole thing
to go that fast.
00:38:00.440 --> 00:38:02.740
l don't think anybody did.
00:38:03.140 --> 00:38:05.510
Yeah. l'll get you next time.
00:38:05.710 --> 00:38:07.340
Thanks.
00:38:08.310 --> 00:38:10.370
So we good for tomorrow?
00:38:12.020 --> 00:38:13.640
What are you talking about?
00:38:13.850 --> 00:38:15.080
At dinner.
00:38:15.290 --> 00:38:18.780
You said we'd go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
00:38:21.730 --> 00:38:23.190
Dad's gift is--
00:38:23.400 --> 00:38:27.200
-Of course. l said so, so l'll be there. -Okay.
00:38:28.030 --> 00:38:30.400
-Need another massage or anything?
-Oh, go away.
00:38:30.600 --> 00:38:32.470
l gotta go work.
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:36.000
Hey, Morty. lt's Michael Newman.
00:38:36.210 --> 00:38:38.680
Yeah, can l talk to you for a minute?
00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:43.070
Hang on for a second someone's at my door.
00:38:46.050 --> 00:38:48.950
-Hello, Michael.
-Where'd you come from?
00:38:49.660 --> 00:38:51.350
You don't wanna know.
00:38:53.960 --> 00:38:56.290
-Can we take a walk? -Sure.
00:38:58.030 --> 00:39:01.430
lt's simple. You must have been on autopilot.
00:39:01.630 --> 00:39:02.730
Autopilot?
00:39:02.940 --> 00:39:05.500
That's what happens to you when you fast-forward.
00:39:05.700 --> 00:39:07.640
-Okay.
-Yeah. l'll show you.
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:09.240
Here.
00:39:12.980 --> 00:39:15.970
See? That's you on autopilot.
00:39:16.180 --> 00:39:18.740
The lights are on but nobody's home.
00:39:18.950 --> 00:39:21.180
The remote lets your mind skip around...
00:39:21.390 --> 00:39:23.980
...but your body actually stays put for the boring stuff.
00:39:24.190 --> 00:39:27.220
We should go to lunch tomorrow and pick out your dad's birthday gift.
00:39:27.430 --> 00:39:29.020
Sounds good.
00:39:29.230 --> 00:39:30.390
So she did tell me.
00:39:30.600 --> 00:39:33.590
l'm having conversations on autopilot, then.
00:39:33.800 --> 00:39:36.360
You're not gonna be the life of the party, but yes.
00:39:36.570 --> 00:39:38.830
Everyone goes on autopilot now and then.
00:39:39.040 --> 00:39:41.900
The big difference is now you've got a nifty remote...
00:39:42.110 --> 00:39:44.440
...to help you decide when.
00:39:44.640 --> 00:39:46.540
This thing is the best.
00:39:47.150 --> 00:39:50.600
By the way, your wife? Absolutely gorgeous.
00:39:50.820 --> 00:39:55.380
-She is, isn't she? -Perfect face. Tight, rocking body.
00:39:56.660 --> 00:39:57.620
You okay?
00:39:59.090 --> 00:40:01.420
-Amazing.
-What is?
00:40:01.630 --> 00:40:03.690
She fell for a schlub like you.
00:40:03.900 --> 00:40:05.490
l'm a schlub?
00:40:05.700 --> 00:40:08.630
l don't know about that, pal. l see a good-looking man right there.
00:40:10.370 --> 00:40:13.530
You wanna see what a stud l used to be? Yeah?
00:40:13.740 --> 00:40:16.000
All right, let's take a look at some of the girls...
00:40:16.210 --> 00:40:18.800
...l used to fool around with before l met Donna.
00:40:28.590 --> 00:40:30.610
ls that a man or a woman?
00:40:30.820 --> 00:40:32.760
lt's a woman.
00:40:36.160 --> 00:40:38.060
What is this Animal Planet?
00:40:39.870 --> 00:40:42.300
-Stop.
-Yes.
00:40:44.470 --> 00:40:50.340
Sometimes it's better to keep certain memories just in your head.
00:40:50.540 --> 00:40:52.130
So l've learned, Morty.
00:40:52.340 --> 00:40:54.240
Good night. Thank you.
00:40:54.750 --> 00:40:56.510
Good night, Michael.
00:41:04.890 --> 00:41:08.330
l'm getting sick, man.
Fast-forward me till l'm better.
00:41:09.860 --> 00:41:13.270
Michael, honey, wake up.
You'll be late for work.
00:41:13.910 --> 00:41:16.970
What? lt's Monday already?
00:41:26.150 --> 00:41:28.280
Are you kidding me?
No more phlegm?
00:41:28.490 --> 00:41:30.120
l skipped an entire cold?
00:41:30.330 --> 00:41:32.820
Thanks to you, baby! l love you!
00:41:33.030 --> 00:41:34.550
No more Tylenol!
00:41:34.760 --> 00:41:36.730
l don't remember
doing any work this weekend.
00:41:39.270 --> 00:41:40.900
But apparently l did.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:44.870
-Bad news. There's no hot water.
-What? l gotta take a shower.
00:41:45.070 --> 00:41:47.510
Well, you're gonna freeze
your bun-buns off.
00:41:48.480 --> 00:41:50.780
lt's all good.
00:41:57.520 --> 00:41:59.450
Yes! Look at me.
00:41:59.660 --> 00:42:03.680
All showered and dressed
and looking sexy.
00:42:03.890 --> 00:42:05.590
l like that. l--
00:42:06.300 --> 00:42:08.560
Did you smoke crack, Daddy?
00:42:09.130 --> 00:42:12.190
Just watch your toons and
have a great day with Mommy today, okay?
00:42:15.370 --> 00:42:18.400
Eating cupcakes like your old man.
Right here, baby.
00:42:18.610 --> 00:42:20.170
-Dad?
-Yes, sir?
00:42:20.380 --> 00:42:22.900
Are you gonna have to work
late again tonight?
00:42:23.750 --> 00:42:27.180
-Unfortunately, yes.
-ls there anything we can do to help?
00:42:27.950 --> 00:42:31.320
Well, l'm gonna be partner soon and l'm gonna need new building designs.
00:42:31.520 --> 00:42:34.180
So if you guys have any cool ideas draw them up for me.
00:42:34.390 --> 00:42:35.860
-Okay. -Rock 'n' roll.
00:42:36.060 --> 00:42:39.030
-l get the paper.
-l got the crayons.
00:42:44.800 --> 00:42:47.270
Would you stop talking
and fix the sewer?
00:43:07.020 --> 00:43:10.290
You're on it now, yeah. Yeah.
00:43:10.490 --> 00:43:14.220
Traffic, traffic, no more traffic.
00:43:16.500 --> 00:43:18.160
Wait a sec!
00:43:21.040 --> 00:43:23.470
Here we go! Mama!
00:43:23.670 --> 00:43:27.230
Yeah! That's what l'm talking about, baby!
00:43:29.950 --> 00:43:33.140
You look a little pale there, pal. Let me fix that.
00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:41.260
Oh, look at you now. You're all yellow from the scurvy.
00:43:41.460 --> 00:43:42.480
Captain.
00:43:45.230 --> 00:43:49.860
Don't get the Hulk angry.
You won't like him when he's angry.
00:44:00.680 --> 00:44:01.840
Oh, there's Barney.
00:44:02.040 --> 00:44:05.340
I love you, you love me
00:44:05.550 --> 00:44:09.850
That jogger had giant boobies
00:44:10.250 --> 00:44:14.480
Okay. Let's get you that tan you been searching for.
00:44:14.690 --> 00:44:16.350
That's it. That's it.
00:44:16.560 --> 00:44:20.550
Check out Julio lglesias...Pretty.
00:44:23.330 --> 00:44:27.390
-Looking good, Mr. Newman.
-Really? Thank you very much, Judy.
00:44:27.600 --> 00:44:31.330
-Finish? -Did l finish?
l believe l finished.
00:44:31.540 --> 00:44:34.980
-Let's see here. Look at that.
-Very impressive, Michael.
00:44:35.180 --> 00:44:39.140
Yeah, the river in the lobby.
This is actually pretty good, man.
00:44:39.820 --> 00:44:41.650
Where did you find the time
to get a tan?
00:44:43.150 --> 00:44:46.140
-l guess l can do it all, sir.
-You can do it all.
00:44:46.790 --> 00:44:50.880
All right, all right, everybody. l
t's sexual-harassment-speech day.
00:44:52.260 --> 00:44:54.420
Now, anyone can be a victim of
sexual harassment:
00:44:54.630 --> 00:44:59.090
Blue collar, white collar a woman,
a man.
00:44:59.300 --> 00:45:01.570
Even the office slut.
00:45:01.770 --> 00:45:04.200
Not that l'm mentioning any names...
00:45:04.410 --> 00:45:05.630
...Stacy.
00:45:09.140 --> 00:45:13.270
Here we go. Sexual harassment
can come in many forms.
00:45:14.720 --> 00:45:18.170
You see, what is hilarious to some,
could be offensive to others.
00:45:18.890 --> 00:45:22.690
Let me try to give you a real-life
example because l'm sure l've done it.
00:45:24.390 --> 00:45:27.920
Like the day l said, ''You want a promotion, break out the lotion.''
00:45:28.130 --> 00:45:30.790
l was technically engaged
in sexual harassment.
00:45:31.570 --> 00:45:35.020
Hilarious sexual harassment
if you ask me.
00:45:39.940 --> 00:45:44.740
Now, there is also homosexual harassment.
00:45:44.950 --> 00:45:47.710
Now, this is like when one dude
comes up to another...
00:45:47.920 --> 00:45:50.320
-...and says something cheeky.
-This will be good.
00:46:14.190 --> 00:46:15.450
Proceed.
00:46:21.390 --> 00:46:23.760
l don't know about you Americans...
00:46:23.960 --> 00:46:27.190
...but to me there is no doubt...
00:46:27.400 --> 00:46:30.270
...lchiro is the greatest of all time.
00:46:30.470 --> 00:46:32.030
Yeah, he's incredible.
00:46:32.240 --> 00:46:34.300
You gotta admit, you can always count on Matsui.
00:46:34.510 --> 00:46:36.130
Oh, Matsui.
00:46:36.340 --> 00:46:39.800
Well, if you guys love lchiro
and Matsui so much, let's order them both.
00:46:41.310 --> 00:46:43.040
l'll eat anything.
00:46:43.250 --> 00:46:46.650
-Excuse us for a moment.
-Absolutely, Mr. Watsuhita.
00:46:46.850 --> 00:46:48.950
See you guys in a bit.
00:46:49.150 --> 00:46:53.220
lchiro and Matsui are baseball players. You just insulted their national heroes.
00:46:53.430 --> 00:46:55.950
l'm going to the bathroom to slit my wrists.
00:46:56.160 --> 00:46:57.860
l'll be here.
00:47:14.110 --> 00:47:15.270
These morons are so boring.
00:47:15.480 --> 00:47:17.640
They make me wanna chop my own dick off.
00:47:18.950 --> 00:47:20.750
That hotel design? l'd like to rip it up.
00:47:20.950 --> 00:47:23.550
Egghead watched a bad documentary on Asian architecture.
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:25.480
Who needs a stupid river in the lobby?
00:47:25.690 --> 00:47:27.680
Let's build more rooms and maximize profits.
00:47:27.890 --> 00:47:29.490
Eat as fast as you can.
00:47:29.690 --> 00:47:30.990
Then we can get out of here...
00:47:31.200 --> 00:47:34.100
...and do Jell-O shots at America's greatest cultural achievement:
00:47:34.300 --> 00:47:35.320
T.G.l. Friday's.
00:47:35.530 --> 00:47:37.020
T.G.l. Friday's!
00:47:40.640 --> 00:47:44.370
-All right, Michael, save us.
-l'm all over it, baby.
00:47:45.710 --> 00:47:49.580
Before we order, l was looking at our proposal. You know what?
00:47:49.780 --> 00:47:53.410
After getting to know you a little bit l realize this is not what you're about.
00:47:53.620 --> 00:47:56.880
ln fact, let's just throw it out, all right? Start from scratch.
00:47:57.090 --> 00:47:59.960
The river in the lobby idea what an egghead move.
00:48:00.160 --> 00:48:03.990
Let's just keep the plans simple, forget all the niceties, maximize our revenue.
00:48:04.200 --> 00:48:06.290
That's what it's all about anyways the profits.
00:48:06.500 --> 00:48:09.730
But do me a favor. Just give us your account and your trust.
00:48:09.940 --> 00:48:13.200
That way we can get the hell out of this dump, go to T.G.l. Friday's...
00:48:13.410 --> 00:48:16.140
...do some Jell-O shots till this guy pukes up a lung.
00:48:17.940 --> 00:48:19.100
Fuck, yeah.
00:48:22.750 --> 00:48:24.480
That's what l'm talking about.
00:48:30.820 --> 00:48:32.290
Yes, yes!
00:48:32.490 --> 00:48:36.450
The king is home! Hello, hello!
00:48:37.630 --> 00:48:41.660
How can you goons sleep
when you know l got you presents?
00:48:41.870 --> 00:48:43.300
-You did?
-What is it?
00:48:43.500 --> 00:48:47.600
What is it? Well, if you bring your
tushies downstairs, we'll find out.
00:48:48.610 --> 00:48:50.470
l'm coming. l'm coming.
00:48:50.680 --> 00:48:54.610
Honey, get your sweet little buns downstairs too. Come on, come on!
00:48:58.180 --> 00:49:00.240
Come and get them.
00:49:01.120 --> 00:49:04.180
-Awesome! No way! -Yeah, yeah.
00:49:04.960 --> 00:49:08.450
-lt must have cost a million dollars!
-That's chump change now.
00:49:08.660 --> 00:49:09.850
You guys deserve the best...
00:49:10.060 --> 00:49:12.460
...and that's what you're gonna
get from now on, okay?
00:49:12.660 --> 00:49:13.960
What's all this?
00:49:14.170 --> 00:49:16.260
Look who's here.
You guys wanna ride these bikes?
00:49:16.470 --> 00:49:18.460
-Yeah! -Let's take them outside!
00:49:18.670 --> 00:49:20.930
Wake the O'Doyles let them see what you got.
00:49:24.910 --> 00:49:28.310
These are the coolest bikes
in the whole town.
00:49:28.510 --> 00:49:30.950
Kevin O'Doyle's gonna shit himself.
00:49:31.150 --> 00:49:34.520
-Don't think l forgot my beautiful wife. -Oh, my gosh.
00:49:34.720 --> 00:49:38.590
lt's not a bike or a cowboy hat but you're gonna like this, l hope.
00:49:38.960 --> 00:49:42.290
-Oh, Michael, it's beautiful.
-l heard you talking to my mother.
00:49:42.490 --> 00:49:44.720
-l love it!
-You look good, baby.
00:49:44.930 --> 00:49:48.130
l got myself a celebratory cigar too.
Why not?
00:49:48.330 --> 00:49:49.890
What are we celebrating?
00:49:50.100 --> 00:49:54.400
''What are we celebrating?'' We're healthy, we got a great family...
00:49:54.610 --> 00:49:56.870
...l'm Ammer's newest partner--
00:49:57.080 --> 00:50:00.480
Oh, my God, you're kidding! Honey, congratulations!
00:50:00.680 --> 00:50:03.910
l knew it! l knew you'd be psyched!
l love it! l love you!
00:50:04.120 --> 00:50:06.380
l single-handedly landed the Watsuhita account.
00:50:06.580 --> 00:50:08.950
That's incredible.
l knew it was gonna be a great day.
00:50:09.150 --> 00:50:12.060
-l heard our song on the radio.
-We have a song?
00:50:12.620 --> 00:50:17.060
Honey. The song that was playing during our first kiss.
00:50:19.130 --> 00:50:21.060
Come on. You're kidding me, right?
00:50:22.900 --> 00:50:27.930
l know our song. Our song. Of course l know our song. Our song is....
00:50:27.940 --> 00:50:30.120
What the hell was that song?
00:50:32.120 --> 00:50:34.060
l remember this place.
00:50:34.260 --> 00:50:37.160
And-- Oh, my God.
00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:40.130
Wolverine's goofy cousin.
00:50:40.870 --> 00:50:45.890
But look at you. Wow.
You are out of his league, aren't you?
00:50:48.610 --> 00:50:50.230
Oh, yeah, the notes.
00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:52.430
Smooth, buddy.
00:50:58.280 --> 00:50:59.940
Oh, look at her.
00:51:01.490 --> 00:51:05.420
What's gonna happen?
You got an answer to that?
00:51:08.670 --> 00:51:12.160
Okay. Seal the deal, pal.
00:51:19.650 --> 00:51:22.410
All she's thinking about is,
''l am not kissing that beard.
00:51:22.620 --> 00:51:24.280
Absolutely not, that's gonna hurt me.''
00:51:25.020 --> 00:51:26.780
Wait a minute.
00:51:29.690 --> 00:51:31.990
Yeah, Newman. Get it.
00:51:33.760 --> 00:51:35.420
Yeah.
00:51:39.100 --> 00:51:40.590
Donna!
00:51:40.800 --> 00:51:43.430
Donna. Oh, my God.
00:51:44.240 --> 00:51:45.870
l'm so horny now.
00:51:46.070 --> 00:51:49.770
Oh, God, l'm not. Get me out of here.
00:51:51.950 --> 00:51:56.580
''Linger'' by The Cranberries was
playing during our first juicy kiss.
00:51:56.790 --> 00:52:00.240
And, my God, you looked beautiful in that pink sweater you were wearing.
00:52:00.460 --> 00:52:02.120
Honey, you remember what l was wearing?
00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:04.290
Of course. l remember what Janine was wearing.
00:52:04.490 --> 00:52:06.720
She scared the shit out of me then.
00:52:10.230 --> 00:52:11.860
l love you.
00:52:12.070 --> 00:52:14.760
l love you too, honey.
00:52:25.550 --> 00:52:27.610
Hi, Mr. Newman.
00:52:28.150 --> 00:52:30.410
Right this way, Michael.
00:52:31.720 --> 00:52:35.050
Hey, my new star. Congratulations.
Sit down, big guy.
00:52:35.260 --> 00:52:36.820
All right.
00:52:37.030 --> 00:52:39.460
l am a little tired.
00:52:39.660 --> 00:52:41.990
The family was up late last night celebrating.
00:52:42.200 --> 00:52:45.030
You really knocked one out of the park last night, didn't you?
00:52:45.230 --> 00:52:46.360
Hey, you were great too.
00:52:46.570 --> 00:52:48.800
All you gotta do is draw up the construction plans.
00:52:49.000 --> 00:52:51.100
lf Watsuhita commits to the bulk of the funds...
00:52:51.310 --> 00:52:53.600
...l'm looking at my new partner.
00:52:56.610 --> 00:52:58.410
l thought l was already your partner.
00:52:59.150 --> 00:53:00.610
Whoa, cowboy.
00:53:00.820 --> 00:53:03.610
l said, ''Land the Watsuhita account you'll get promoted.''
00:53:03.820 --> 00:53:08.220
-l didn't mean right this second.
-But l already told my wife, sir.
00:53:08.420 --> 00:53:10.760
l spent money l don't have.
00:53:10.960 --> 00:53:13.860
To do these documents is gonna
take me months.
00:53:14.530 --> 00:53:16.550
Then you better get started.
00:53:24.010 --> 00:53:25.870
Wow, l just got a big headache!
00:53:27.580 --> 00:53:30.600
-Was l hit by a train or something?
-l didn't see anything.
00:53:30.810 --> 00:53:35.110
l forgot to tell you. l hung out
with your friend Janine this weekend.
00:53:35.320 --> 00:53:39.280
l hope she's doing your brother
right now, you big-headed buffoon.
00:53:49.200 --> 00:53:50.630
No, no, no. You got more.
00:53:53.100 --> 00:53:54.900
Yeah.
00:53:56.870 --> 00:54:00.740
Anyway, the sooner you get back
to work...
00:54:00.940 --> 00:54:02.810
...the sooner you'll be partnerized.
00:54:03.010 --> 00:54:05.410
-l taste shit. -You do?
00:54:06.150 --> 00:54:11.640
Stacy! Did you put shit in my lunch?
00:54:12.820 --> 00:54:14.690
l'm gonna get going now, sir.
00:54:14.890 --> 00:54:16.980
Stacy!
00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:24.770
Have you considered the consequences...
00:54:24.970 --> 00:54:27.260
...of the thing you're thinking about doing?
00:54:27.800 --> 00:54:30.170
Yeah. What are you saying, l shouldn't do it?
00:54:30.370 --> 00:54:34.210
lt's your life. What you do with the remote is your decision, Michael.
00:54:34.410 --> 00:54:38.510
l know, so, l mean, we're talking
a couple of months here.
00:54:38.710 --> 00:54:41.240
l fast-forward through it
what am l gonna miss?
00:54:41.450 --> 00:54:43.210
Thirty arguments and a haircut?
00:54:43.750 --> 00:54:45.480
Remember the leprechaun?
00:54:46.520 --> 00:54:49.290
The one from the cereal ad.
00:54:50.760 --> 00:54:53.820
''They're magically delicious.''
That guy?
00:54:54.030 --> 00:54:57.660
He's always chasing the pot of
gold at the end of the rainbow.
00:54:57.870 --> 00:55:01.600
But when he gets there at the
end of the day...
00:55:03.100 --> 00:55:05.330
...it's just corn flakes.
00:55:11.710 --> 00:55:13.480
-Michael. -Yes.
00:55:13.680 --> 00:55:17.810
-You don't understand the metaphor?
-l won't do it, all right.
00:55:34.240 --> 00:55:35.790
-Dad? -Yeah.
00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:39.370
-We have some designs for you.
-lt's not a good time, man.
00:55:39.570 --> 00:55:41.570
Maybe they'll help you finish quicker.
00:55:41.780 --> 00:55:44.300
All right. You want me to look at it?
Let me see.
00:55:44.950 --> 00:55:48.070
The ceiling's too high the hallway's
too narrow...
00:55:48.280 --> 00:55:50.510
...stairway placement makes no sense at all.
00:55:50.720 --> 00:55:53.120
-What the hell's this room made of? -Pizza.
00:55:53.320 --> 00:55:56.690
Well, it's stupid. Next.
What is yours made of?
00:55:57.160 --> 00:56:00.890
-Pickles.
-Oh, don't be a baby.
00:56:01.100 --> 00:56:04.160
Michael, have you lost your mind?
He's 7 years old.
00:56:04.370 --> 00:56:06.780
lf he wants a playroom made of pizza
then why not?
00:56:06.980 --> 00:56:10.180
Maybe he's gotta grow up sometime and get the hell off Fantasy lsland.
00:56:10.380 --> 00:56:13.650
Hey, pizza boy. Life ain't about being creative.
00:56:13.850 --> 00:56:17.150
lt's about kissing ass, playing it safe, making your boss a lot of money...
00:56:17.360 --> 00:56:20.260
...in hopes one day he might throw you a stinking bone. All right?
00:56:20.460 --> 00:56:22.150
Yes, sir.
00:56:22.590 --> 00:56:24.320
Ammer didn't make you partner, did he?
00:56:26.460 --> 00:56:29.260
Oh, honey, l'm so sorry.
00:56:29.870 --> 00:56:32.130
But we'll get through this, okay? l promise.
00:56:32.540 --> 00:56:35.130
Jeez! Man, that's all we ever do is get through it.
00:56:35.340 --> 00:56:37.500
When is it gonna end?
00:56:53.990 --> 00:56:55.250
Pretty sweet, eh?
00:56:55.460 --> 00:56:58.290
Two queen beds, full kitchen, steam shower...
00:56:58.500 --> 00:57:00.660
...and satellite TV with surround sound.
00:57:01.800 --> 00:57:05.460
Why are you always trying to hurt me? One day l'm gonna hurt you back.
00:57:05.670 --> 00:57:08.660
Michael Newman, l didn't know you smoked cigars.
00:57:08.870 --> 00:57:10.500
And now's the time.
00:57:10.710 --> 00:57:12.270
No, Kathy, this isn't mine.
00:57:12.480 --> 00:57:16.000
l took it out of Kevin's hands. Yeah, he was smoking like a chimney.
00:57:16.210 --> 00:57:17.510
No, l wasn't!
00:57:17.720 --> 00:57:19.480
l think l smell marijuana in it.
00:57:19.680 --> 00:57:22.980
Kevin O'Doyle, you get your ass in this house right now!
00:57:23.190 --> 00:57:24.350
l hate you.
00:57:24.560 --> 00:57:27.990
Are you deaf? Move it! l don't wanna have to ask you again!
00:57:28.190 --> 00:57:30.180
Dope is for dopes, buddy!
00:57:30.400 --> 00:57:32.300
Get your ass in this house!
00:57:34.530 --> 00:57:36.120
We don't have any other choice, guys.
00:57:36.330 --> 00:57:40.530
-No fair! l don't wanna return my bike! -We have to, honey.
00:57:40.740 --> 00:57:43.500
-But Daddy gave them to us! -Because he loves you.
00:57:43.710 --> 00:57:45.970
Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at Daddy's work.
00:57:46.180 --> 00:57:48.080
We need to bring the bikes back for now.
00:57:48.280 --> 00:57:51.480
But l already told Kevin O'Doyle l got a new bike.
00:57:51.680 --> 00:57:54.450
Well, we can paint my old bike and make it look new.
00:57:54.650 --> 00:57:58.490
That's a girl's bike. All the kids will make fun of me.
00:57:58.890 --> 00:58:01.360
No!
00:58:02.760 --> 00:58:04.350
l wanna keep my bike!
00:58:04.560 --> 00:58:06.830
l can't take this anymore.
00:58:07.030 --> 00:58:08.690
Fast-forward me to my promotion.
00:58:14.210 --> 00:58:15.700
So here's to Michael Newman...
00:58:15.910 --> 00:58:18.900
...the greatest partner l could ever dream of.
00:58:19.280 --> 00:58:20.900
Hear, hear!
00:58:21.380 --> 00:58:25.410
Thank you. Thank you, guys. My family thanks you.
00:58:25.620 --> 00:58:28.880
l'm gonna do the best l can and l won't let you down, l promise.
00:58:29.090 --> 00:58:30.750
Yeah!
00:58:31.420 --> 00:58:34.720
-Congratulations, Mr. Newman. -This is great. Thank you.
00:58:34.930 --> 00:58:36.420
How's it feel, killer?
00:58:36.630 --> 00:58:39.430
-Feels incredible, sir. -Well, you earned it. l'm telling you.
00:58:39.630 --> 00:58:41.790
Not just because of that Watsuhita project either.
00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:45.730
For helping me pick up the slack now l'm spending time with my lady.
00:58:45.940 --> 00:58:47.430
Hey, Dinkie.
00:58:48.110 --> 00:58:51.010
Are you kidding me? You guys have been dating a couple months now?
00:58:51.210 --> 00:58:53.470
That's pretty huge for this one.
00:58:55.980 --> 00:58:57.970
No, the first few months were easy.
00:58:58.180 --> 00:59:00.450
lt was the one-year hump that was the tough part.
00:59:00.650 --> 00:59:04.710
Her inappropriate weekend with my brother in Cabo...
00:59:04.920 --> 00:59:06.720
...well, that was a potential speed bump.
00:59:06.920 --> 00:59:09.860
But, well, Dr. Bergman helped us work through it, didn't he, honey?
00:59:10.060 --> 00:59:11.650
How's he doing for you and Donna?
00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:15.330
Dr. Bergman. What do you mean?
00:59:15.530 --> 00:59:18.730
Oh, you know what, sweetie? lt's none of our business.
00:59:18.940 --> 00:59:21.840
Let's let Michael bask in his glory. Cheers.
00:59:22.040 --> 00:59:24.510
Bask away, partner.
00:59:25.280 --> 00:59:27.840
Took that bastard a year to promote me?
00:59:29.380 --> 00:59:31.310
What else did l miss?
00:59:31.620 --> 00:59:33.910
-Shit.
-Need something, Mr. Newman?
00:59:34.090 --> 00:59:36.920
-Who are you? -Kirsten, your assistant.
00:59:37.120 --> 00:59:38.710
What happened to Alice?
00:59:38.920 --> 00:59:41.360
She moved to Accounting. Couldn't handle your hours.
00:59:41.930 --> 00:59:45.120
And she prefers to be called Alan now. Remember?
00:59:48.970 --> 00:59:50.520
No.
00:59:51.040 --> 00:59:53.330
No.
00:59:53.540 --> 00:59:56.770
No! And who the hell's Dr. Bergman?
00:59:57.510 --> 01:00:00.530
And l feel like Michael's making no effort to connect with me at all.
01:00:00.750 --> 01:00:03.510
No, no. l want to. l want to. lt's-- l'm on autopilot.
01:00:03.720 --> 01:00:06.680
''l'm on autopilot.'' More like auto-zombie.
01:00:06.880 --> 01:00:08.180
Good one, Donna.
01:00:09.290 --> 01:00:12.380
-''Good one, Donna''? -Michael, relax.
01:00:12.590 --> 01:00:15.180
Who is this bigmouth?
Why can't you and l just talk?
01:00:15.390 --> 01:00:18.450
Why? Because there is no talking to you. You're never home to talk to.
01:00:18.660 --> 01:00:21.630
And when you are, you're just
sitting there staring off into space.
01:00:21.830 --> 01:00:23.060
What do you want from me?
01:00:23.270 --> 01:00:25.460
This is what happens. He's gonna
answer his phone.
01:00:27.370 --> 01:00:30.000
What the heck happened? l didn't
even touch the remote.
01:00:30.210 --> 01:00:32.200
Great, you gonna start watching TV at dinner?
01:00:32.410 --> 01:00:33.880
Oh, can we?
01:00:34.450 --> 01:00:37.510
Samantha. My little angel. Look at you.
01:00:37.720 --> 01:00:39.210
Look how long your hair's getting.
01:00:39.420 --> 01:00:41.480
When did you grow up? Ben, get over here.
01:00:41.690 --> 01:00:43.420
Don't worry. l'm not gonna work tonight.
01:00:43.620 --> 01:00:45.680
Watch Dragon Tales together.
What do you say?
01:00:45.890 --> 01:00:49.380
Dragon Tales is for babies, Dad. l wanna watch CSI.
01:00:49.590 --> 01:00:51.490
Yeah, CSI.
01:00:51.700 --> 01:00:53.720
lt's the episode when
they find the lady's arm.
01:00:53.930 --> 01:00:58.160
What happened? l missed the whole Dragon Tales era?
01:01:03.720 --> 01:01:05.380
Whoa, hey, hello.
01:01:06.820 --> 01:01:08.980
What are you doing? Come here!
Give me my Twinkie!
01:01:09.190 --> 01:01:10.710
Get back here, you freaking gremlin!
01:01:10.930 --> 01:01:13.620
Don't yell at Peanut because he found your Twinkie stash.
01:01:13.830 --> 01:01:15.300
Who's Peanut? Where's Sundance?
01:01:15.500 --> 01:01:18.120
Don't mention Sundance. The kids just stopped crying.
01:01:18.330 --> 01:01:19.770
About what? Why? What happened?
01:01:22.300 --> 01:01:23.740
He died?
01:01:27.410 --> 01:01:32.040
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
01:01:32.250 --> 01:01:35.480
The stupid idiot and soft fur.
01:01:35.680 --> 01:01:38.810
-Daddy held it in so long. -He was the best dog!
01:01:39.020 --> 01:01:41.550
He's finally letting himself feel it.
01:01:41.760 --> 01:01:45.950
One night when the duck's head was off...
01:01:46.160 --> 01:01:48.860
...he tried to hump my leg and l didn't let him...
01:01:49.060 --> 01:01:51.620
...and l should've and l'm sorry.
01:01:51.830 --> 01:01:56.100
-What an idiot.
-lt's okay, it's okay.
01:01:56.500 --> 01:01:58.800
What the heck did l do?
01:01:59.010 --> 01:02:01.980
l love you. Do you still love me?
01:02:04.380 --> 01:02:06.640
Oh, Michael.
01:02:06.850 --> 01:02:08.710
lt's been....
01:02:08.920 --> 01:02:10.510
l'm really confused.
01:02:10.720 --> 01:02:14.520
No, no, no. l'll change, okay? l'll be a better man, l promise.
01:02:14.720 --> 01:02:17.820
Don't go, don't go. l'll stop working so much, okay?
01:02:18.030 --> 01:02:21.290
l'll be with you. Just stay with me.
01:02:21.500 --> 01:02:25.430
Oh, my God, it didn't take the duck long to get over Sundance.
01:02:26.130 --> 01:02:29.590
lt's a little deviant but it's kind of turning me on.
01:02:29.800 --> 01:02:32.430
Yeah, well, let's kiss and make up.
01:02:47.560 --> 01:02:50.320
No. No!
01:02:50.530 --> 01:02:52.650
lt's not my fault.
01:02:52.860 --> 01:02:55.560
lt jumped on its own. l didn't even hit the button.
01:02:55.760 --> 01:02:57.160
Not even close.
01:03:00.330 --> 01:03:01.700
Yes?
01:03:05.210 --> 01:03:07.730
-You scared-- -Honey, what's going on down there?
01:03:07.940 --> 01:03:12.070
lt's all right! l-- There was a mouse! l killed it!
01:03:12.280 --> 01:03:16.240
lt's dead! But it broke the table first!
01:03:16.450 --> 01:03:20.050
-How did you get in here? -l had a feeling you wanted to see me.
01:03:20.250 --> 01:03:22.190
l'm freaking out. This thing, it's broken.
01:03:22.390 --> 01:03:24.880
lt's just-- lt's fast-forwarding on its own now.
01:03:25.090 --> 01:03:27.120
lt's not a malfunction, it's a feature.
01:03:27.330 --> 01:03:31.160
lt's using its memory to execute your preferences.
01:03:31.370 --> 01:03:33.200
lt remembers stuff? What do you mean?
01:03:33.400 --> 01:03:37.030
lt's an advanced piece of equipment like TiVo.
01:03:37.540 --> 01:03:39.200
You could call it MeVo.
01:03:39.410 --> 01:03:42.430
l fast-forwarded through sex one time l don't wanna skip it forever.
01:03:42.640 --> 01:03:44.270
l like sex. lt feels good.
01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:48.680
Correct me if l'm wrong, but you fast-forwarded through an entire year.
01:03:48.880 --> 01:03:50.410
That's a lot of sex.
01:03:50.620 --> 01:03:54.180
Put it all together, that's like 30 minutes' worth for you.
01:03:54.390 --> 01:03:56.750
Oh, no, no. So what, everything l fast-forwarded...
01:03:56.960 --> 01:03:59.290
-...it's gonna do it on its own now? -Pretty much.
01:03:59.490 --> 01:04:01.620
No more showering, no more traffic.
01:04:01.830 --> 01:04:04.350
No more arguing. No more sickness.
01:04:04.570 --> 01:04:05.960
This is bad, this is bad.
01:04:06.170 --> 01:04:08.160
You take it back l'm deactivating my service.
01:04:08.370 --> 01:04:11.400
l quit, l quit. Thanks for everything, all right, but l--
01:04:13.810 --> 01:04:14.800
Yeah.
01:04:21.080 --> 01:04:24.610
You.... This is not....
01:04:27.820 --> 01:04:29.080
Don't be mean.
01:04:32.660 --> 01:04:33.720
Nice hat.
01:04:34.460 --> 01:04:36.760
No, no, no.
01:04:39.800 --> 01:04:44.170
Get away from me. Just get away. Get away. Leave me alone.
01:04:44.370 --> 01:04:48.210
ls this a stickup? Or are you just happy?
01:04:50.140 --> 01:04:51.980
Yeah? l'm gonna take my clothes off, then--
01:04:52.180 --> 01:04:53.770
l wouldn't do that if l were you.
01:04:53.980 --> 01:04:56.810
There's only one place left for it to pop up.
01:04:58.350 --> 01:05:01.950
Oh. No, no, l don't want that. Come on, man.
01:05:02.160 --> 01:05:06.350
l told you, this item is nonreturnable.
01:05:07.560 --> 01:05:10.550
-Come on, just take it. -Until we meet again.
01:05:10.770 --> 01:05:15.670
Don't do that. Come on, Morty. How do l get it to stop fast-forwarding?
01:05:18.440 --> 01:05:20.840
Morning, sweetie.
01:05:21.980 --> 01:05:23.600
You wanna shower first?
01:05:23.810 --> 01:05:27.540
Yeah. No! l can't shower because then l'll fast-forward.
01:05:27.750 --> 01:05:30.550
And if l fast-forward, who knows how long l'll fast-forward for.
01:05:30.750 --> 01:05:33.650
How's this? l'm gonna rough it today, like in the Old West. Okay?
01:05:33.850 --> 01:05:36.450
Donna, l wanna tell you what's going on right now so bad...
01:05:36.660 --> 01:05:39.960
...but it might lead to an argument. We can't argue because off l'll go.
01:05:40.160 --> 01:05:41.790
So just know there is a problem.
01:05:42.000 --> 01:05:44.790
l tried to get rid of the problem, it almost ended up in my ass.
01:05:45.000 --> 01:05:47.090
l'm gonna go to work and try to figure this out.
01:05:47.300 --> 01:05:48.930
You're going to work in your bathrobe?
01:05:49.140 --> 01:05:51.200
Honey. We can't argue, okay? No more arguing.
01:05:51.410 --> 01:05:53.840
You're right. l'm wrong. All the time. You want a kiss?
01:05:54.040 --> 01:05:56.740
-l'll take a kiss.
-l can't. lf l give you a kiss...
01:05:56.940 --> 01:05:59.850
...it might lead to something else, then...three minutes goes by.
01:06:00.050 --> 01:06:02.220
You're laying there disappointed l'm smiling.
01:06:02.430 --> 01:06:05.730
l wanna be with you every minute of my life, that's why l gotta leave now.
01:06:05.930 --> 01:06:07.520
Have a great day!
01:06:07.730 --> 01:06:12.230
Once again, Michael left Donna in bed confused and unsatisfied.
01:06:12.440 --> 01:06:14.030
Shut up, James Earl Jones!
01:06:14.240 --> 01:06:17.170
No, you shut up, big mouth!
01:07:10.030 --> 01:07:11.960
Michael!
01:07:12.160 --> 01:07:13.960
Mr. Ammer is here
01:07:14.630 --> 01:07:18.470
Your first day as a partner, you come to work in a fricking bathrobe?
01:07:18.670 --> 01:07:21.160
l did. l did.
01:07:21.370 --> 01:07:24.830
John, l just feel we should stop wasting our energy...
01:07:25.040 --> 01:07:28.310
...on corporate brown-nosing and worrying who's got the better suit.
01:07:28.510 --> 01:07:31.110
Armani, Calvin Klein, who cares?
01:07:31.320 --> 01:07:34.480
Let's concentrate on what really matters, the work.
01:07:36.550 --> 01:07:38.820
That's the craziest thing l've ever heard.
01:07:40.890 --> 01:07:43.160
But goddamn it, you're right.
01:07:46.900 --> 01:07:50.300
Life-changing. l feel freer.
01:07:50.630 --> 01:07:52.000
Yeah-- Keep the pants on.
01:07:52.800 --> 01:07:54.960
Sexual harassment, eh?
01:07:55.610 --> 01:07:57.510
Speaking of life-changing...
01:07:57.710 --> 01:08:02.700
...there's something, or actually someone, l'd like to talk to you about.
01:08:04.320 --> 01:08:06.150
-Janine. -Everything okay?
01:08:06.350 --> 01:08:08.980
Michael, Janine and l decided to drop out of the rat race...
01:08:09.190 --> 01:08:10.550
...slow down, move to Morocco.
01:08:10.750 --> 01:08:13.280
-Morocco? -Morocco.
01:08:13.960 --> 01:08:14.930
Okay.
01:08:15.130 --> 01:08:17.960
Eric Lamensoff will assume my day-to-day responsibilities...
01:08:18.160 --> 01:08:20.320
...and l'd like you to take his job.
01:08:21.100 --> 01:08:25.760
But Eric Lamensoff is the head of the whole international division.
01:08:25.970 --> 01:08:27.960
-l've been your partner one day.
-So?
01:08:28.170 --> 01:08:30.940
Every account you worked on turned into gold.
01:08:31.140 --> 01:08:32.700
You know, l wouldn't be surprised...
01:08:32.910 --> 01:08:35.210
...if one day you ended up being our CEO.
01:08:36.350 --> 01:08:39.150
Hey, l would love for that to happen, but--
01:08:39.350 --> 01:08:42.320
No! No, no, no! l don't want a promotion!
01:08:42.520 --> 01:08:45.350
No!
01:08:49.930 --> 01:08:52.730
Michael, you have a phone call.
01:08:52.930 --> 01:08:54.020
Michael Newman.
01:08:57.740 --> 01:08:58.860
Word up, big guy.
01:08:59.070 --> 01:09:02.530
Ten years ago you told me you wanted to be CEO.
01:09:02.740 --> 01:09:06.070
Great news. Eric Lamensoff killed himself.
01:09:06.280 --> 01:09:08.870
So you better stop with the junk food, Mr. Chairman...
01:09:09.080 --> 01:09:11.410
...or you'll end up killing yourself too.
01:09:14.990 --> 01:09:17.350
Opening virtual blinds.
01:09:17.550 --> 01:09:22.180
Ten years? How much worse can things get?
01:09:38.010 --> 01:09:40.530
Oh, my God, l'm a fat guy!
01:09:40.740 --> 01:09:42.210
Look at me.
01:09:48.290 --> 01:09:51.190
What is this? This is titties.
01:09:51.890 --> 01:09:53.910
l got juicy titties!
01:09:54.120 --> 01:09:55.850
What-- What is that?
01:09:56.060 --> 01:09:59.790
Oh, God, no.
01:10:00.330 --> 01:10:01.820
Just take me home.
01:10:08.610 --> 01:10:11.970
This is 10 10 WINS news. February 5th, 20 17.
01:10:12.180 --> 01:10:14.440
Britney Spears had her 23rd baby today.
01:10:14.650 --> 01:10:18.010
Proud father Kevin Federline says he's now considering getting a job.
01:10:18.220 --> 01:10:21.550
Also, Michael Jackson, the first man to clone himself...
01:10:21.750 --> 01:10:24.450
...is now suing himself for molesting himself.
01:10:38.270 --> 01:10:39.670
Donna!
01:10:40.570 --> 01:10:42.300
Donna!
01:10:51.480 --> 01:10:52.540
Can l help you?
01:10:54.080 --> 01:10:57.750
-Hey, Dad. -''Hey, Dad''?
01:10:57.960 --> 01:11:00.900
Ben? That's you?
01:11:01.100 --> 01:11:04.200
Look how big you got. You're enormous.
01:11:04.770 --> 01:11:08.540
Look who's talking, Captain Twinkie of the S.S. Fat-Ass!
01:11:08.740 --> 01:11:10.230
Really good for my self-esteem.
01:11:10.440 --> 01:11:12.840
Maybe if you would take me to Pilates like you said...
01:11:13.050 --> 01:11:15.070
...people wouldn't think l was Rosie O'Donnell!
01:11:15.280 --> 01:11:16.810
Come on, l love you!
01:11:17.020 --> 01:11:19.850
-Bring me back the Twinkies! -You're so cruel!
01:11:20.050 --> 01:11:22.420
Will you please stop yelling? lt is so embarrassing.
01:11:22.620 --> 01:11:25.720
-ls that my daughter? -Mom, l'm going to Derek's!
01:11:25.930 --> 01:11:29.490
That's you, Samantha? When did you get boobs?
01:11:29.830 --> 01:11:32.420
The same time you did, Dad. Now can l go?
01:11:32.630 --> 01:11:34.860
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell's this Derek guy?
01:11:35.070 --> 01:11:38.230
My boyfriend, the hottest boy in school, hello?
01:11:38.440 --> 01:11:40.410
He's gonna be hot when l burn his house down.
01:11:40.610 --> 01:11:42.580
Get your ass upstairs put normal clothes on.
01:11:42.780 --> 01:11:45.610
-Why are you so mean to me?
-Get them on now!
01:11:45.810 --> 01:11:47.870
-And wipe off all that makeup!
-Right!
01:11:50.350 --> 01:11:52.010
ls Peanut dead too?
01:11:53.220 --> 01:11:55.780
This one's got the duck doing all the work.
01:11:58.630 --> 01:12:00.350
Donna. Donna.
01:12:01.960 --> 01:12:03.450
Goddamn it.
01:12:03.660 --> 01:12:06.720
Look how gorgeous you look. l'm so scared.
01:12:06.930 --> 01:12:09.990
-Knock, knock, gang.
-Hey, sweetie.
01:12:16.010 --> 01:12:17.170
What's going on?
01:12:17.380 --> 01:12:19.140
Donna and l were gonna get hot chocolate.
01:12:19.350 --> 01:12:21.580
-You want us to bring you one? -You cheating on me?
01:12:21.780 --> 01:12:23.370
With Johnny G-String over here?
01:12:23.580 --> 01:12:25.640
Come on. Time-out.
l thought we were past that.
01:12:25.850 --> 01:12:29.080
No, no, no, we're past this argument. No, you're right, no big deal.
01:12:29.290 --> 01:12:32.050
Hey, it's just that you don't mess with another man's wife!
01:12:32.260 --> 01:12:34.230
Michael! Stop it! Stop it, Michael!
01:12:34.430 --> 01:12:36.400
lt was your decision to move out!
So stay out!
01:12:36.600 --> 01:12:38.330
Get off me! You sticking up for him?
01:12:38.530 --> 01:12:41.160
Go away! Go away, l hate you!
01:12:41.370 --> 01:12:43.890
-We can't argue! Donna, please!
-l hate you! l hate you!
01:12:44.940 --> 01:12:46.340
Oh, man!
01:12:46.540 --> 01:12:48.570
You hate me?
01:12:51.610 --> 01:12:55.380
No. No.
01:12:55.580 --> 01:12:58.140
Ten years, you're not finished yet?
01:12:58.520 --> 01:13:03.290
Morty! Why did you do this to me?
01:13:03.490 --> 01:13:05.750
You did this to yourself, Michael.
01:13:05.960 --> 01:13:08.360
No. No, l didn't wanna
waste all that time.
01:13:08.560 --> 01:13:09.960
l didn't wanna lose Donna!
01:13:10.160 --> 01:13:11.890
The remote goes by your behavior.
01:13:12.100 --> 01:13:15.590
Every time you had a conflict
between work and home, work won.
01:13:15.800 --> 01:13:17.290
-No, not true.
-Lie to your wife.
01:13:17.500 --> 01:13:20.100
Lie to yourself.
But you cannot lie to the remote.
01:13:20.310 --> 01:13:24.210
The remote is lie-proof, so you can't change what already happened.
01:13:24.410 --> 01:13:26.350
But you're still a young man.
01:13:26.550 --> 01:13:29.210
A young, fat man.
You could win Donna back.
01:13:29.420 --> 01:13:31.480
So that's what l'll do.
01:13:31.690 --> 01:13:33.480
Go for it, tubs.
01:13:34.420 --> 01:13:38.820
l saw what you did to the duck.
Very good. Nice work.
01:13:54.810 --> 01:13:56.500
You'll feel that in a second.
01:13:56.980 --> 01:14:00.280
All right, please, please
just read my note.
01:14:00.480 --> 01:14:03.240
--hate you! l hate you! l hate you!
01:14:13.960 --> 01:14:16.120
Michael, are you awake?
01:14:17.460 --> 01:14:21.060
Michael, honey. Are you awake?
01:14:23.070 --> 01:14:24.970
Donna.
01:14:27.610 --> 01:14:30.080
Where'd all my fat go?
01:14:32.750 --> 01:14:36.340
lt was just a dream?
A terrible terrible dream.
01:14:36.550 --> 01:14:38.580
What's that, Michael?
You had a bad dream?
01:14:38.790 --> 01:14:41.080
Did a fuzzy dog push me over?
01:14:42.990 --> 01:14:45.190
Oh, Shaggy the miracle dog?
01:14:45.390 --> 01:14:47.490
Yeah, if he hadn't knocked you
on your noggin...
01:14:47.690 --> 01:14:51.100
...you wouldn't have had the CAT
scan that found the cancer before it spread.
01:14:51.300 --> 01:14:52.730
l have cancer?
01:14:52.930 --> 01:14:54.760
No, you had cancer.
01:14:54.970 --> 01:14:57.200
You're the only person
to gain weight during chemo.
01:14:57.400 --> 01:14:59.400
That's probably what
caused your heart attack.
01:14:59.610 --> 01:15:00.870
Heart attack?
01:15:01.070 --> 01:15:03.070
l thought they weaned you off the morphine.
01:15:03.810 --> 01:15:05.440
Okay, Mr. Junk Food...
01:15:05.650 --> 01:15:08.240
...since the injury, you haven't been healthy a full day.
01:15:08.450 --> 01:15:10.810
When exactly did l hurt my head?
01:15:11.790 --> 01:15:15.150
When was it? Like, six years ago?
01:15:15.360 --> 01:15:20.730
Six more years! No! No!
lt skipped all my sickness.
01:15:20.930 --> 01:15:22.900
l'm gonna ask them to cut back on painkillers.
01:15:23.100 --> 01:15:24.650
Donna, don't go.
01:15:26.330 --> 01:15:27.990
What's this?
01:15:30.540 --> 01:15:34.560
That's not bad for your third liposuction.
01:15:35.810 --> 01:15:37.670
One more tummy tuck should take care of it.
01:15:38.750 --> 01:15:41.480
Oh, it looks like a tongue...
01:15:41.680 --> 01:15:43.270
...licking.
01:15:44.380 --> 01:15:47.840
Look, l should go. Bill's waiting for me downstairs.
01:15:48.060 --> 01:15:49.960
-So l'll probably-- -Bill?
01:15:50.160 --> 01:15:52.520
You're still with Speedo Torpedo?
01:15:52.730 --> 01:15:55.350
Whatever happened to ''forever and ever, '' honey?
01:15:55.560 --> 01:15:57.690
''Forever and ever''?
01:15:57.900 --> 01:16:01.240
Look, Michael, l'm trying to have a civilized relationship with you...
01:16:01.450 --> 01:16:02.780
...for the kids' sake.
01:16:02.980 --> 01:16:05.610
l really wanna be friends but l can't do that if you--
01:16:05.820 --> 01:16:07.480
Would you stop flapping that thing?
01:16:07.680 --> 01:16:10.450
lt's my flap, l'll do whatever
the hell l want with it!
01:16:12.360 --> 01:16:13.380
You done?
01:16:15.360 --> 01:16:17.520
Look, Bill's my husband.
01:16:17.730 --> 01:16:20.530
Please learn to accept that.
l really have to go.
01:16:20.730 --> 01:16:23.060
Husband? Donna?
01:16:23.270 --> 01:16:28.860
No. Donna. Donna. Donna!
01:16:29.440 --> 01:16:32.100
Welcome to Newman Architecture.
01:16:32.310 --> 01:16:34.940
Building a better world for all of us.
01:16:35.150 --> 01:16:37.310
Architect of the year, 20 18.
01:16:37.510 --> 01:16:40.040
All your dreams came true, huh, moron?
01:16:40.250 --> 01:16:43.080
Dad. Hey, how you feeling?
01:16:44.990 --> 01:16:48.650
-Benjamin. Look at that. -Look-- What?
01:16:48.860 --> 01:16:53.020
Your face. Your skinny face. You're shaving now, huh, kid?
01:16:53.230 --> 01:16:57.760
Your entire ass is gone. What happened? Good for you.
01:16:57.970 --> 01:17:02.410
Right, my ass. Why don't we talk about it in my office.
01:17:05.240 --> 01:17:07.400
My old office.
01:17:10.650 --> 01:17:13.840
The architect. How did this happen?
01:17:14.050 --> 01:17:18.110
-Mom said you were still a little loopy. -No, no, no. l'm feeling terrific.
01:17:18.320 --> 01:17:21.920
The weight. How did you do it? Staple treatment like your old man?
01:17:22.130 --> 01:17:24.180
Wanna have a flap fight? You gotta see this--
01:17:24.390 --> 01:17:27.890
No. Just working out with Bill five times a week. Same as always.
01:17:33.200 --> 01:17:38.510
That's a looker. Blondie, big lips. Chesty.
01:17:38.710 --> 01:17:39.940
ls that your girl?
01:17:40.740 --> 01:17:42.770
No, that's your daughter Samantha.
01:17:43.210 --> 01:17:44.650
Of course it is.
01:17:44.850 --> 01:17:47.480
And you better always take care of her...
01:17:47.680 --> 01:17:51.480
...and make sure nobody touches her except you.
01:17:52.420 --> 01:17:55.550
Pop, l'm just getting ready for this meeting.
01:17:56.960 --> 01:17:59.990
Okay. Absolutely. l'll take off for you.
01:18:01.930 --> 01:18:05.800
l'd like to spend more time together. All of us.
01:18:06.000 --> 01:18:08.060
Take you out for ice cream. How's that?
01:18:08.440 --> 01:18:10.300
l know your mother won't come...
01:18:10.510 --> 01:18:14.640
...but you, Samantha, Grandpa, Grandma.
01:18:15.050 --> 01:18:16.340
That'd be nice, huh?
01:18:17.980 --> 01:18:20.420
l knew something was funny with you today.
01:18:20.620 --> 01:18:24.140
Papa, take a seat. Let me get you a water, okay?
01:18:25.490 --> 01:18:27.620
What are we sitting for?
01:18:28.860 --> 01:18:32.800
-Here you go, Pop, drink this. -All right. Drink some water.
01:18:34.800 --> 01:18:36.600
There, l had my water. What's going on?
01:18:39.900 --> 01:18:41.670
Grandpa died, Dad.
01:18:44.810 --> 01:18:47.040
He died a while back now.
01:18:51.480 --> 01:18:55.540
No, no, no.
01:18:55.750 --> 01:18:58.120
Don't say that.
01:18:58.920 --> 01:19:01.650
Where was l?
01:19:01.860 --> 01:19:03.160
You're crying?
01:19:04.260 --> 01:19:06.350
What happened?
01:19:07.400 --> 01:19:12.060
Nothing. You know, he just got old.
That's life.
01:19:12.270 --> 01:19:16.140
-Shit.
-You're born and you live and you die.
01:19:17.470 --> 01:19:18.770
Man, l gotta go.
01:19:18.980 --> 01:19:21.100
Hey, hang on. Susie, push my next meeting.
01:19:21.310 --> 01:19:23.580
No, no, do your meeting. lt's fine. l'm just dizzy.
01:19:23.780 --> 01:19:26.510
-Why are you crying?
-l'm dizzy from the operation.
01:19:26.720 --> 01:19:30.380
-You're gonna make me cry, Dad. -You don't-- You don't have to go.
01:19:34.620 --> 01:19:36.890
You look-- You look good.
01:19:37.090 --> 01:19:38.990
lt's all right. Goodbye.
01:19:54.140 --> 01:19:55.810
Come on.
01:19:56.010 --> 01:19:57.340
Come on.
01:19:57.550 --> 01:19:59.610
lt won't take you there.
01:20:00.150 --> 01:20:01.620
Take me where?
01:20:02.390 --> 01:20:05.220
To the moment he died.
You weren't there.
01:20:05.620 --> 01:20:07.680
Of course l wasn't.
01:20:09.430 --> 01:20:11.760
Can you take me to the last time
l saw him, please?
01:20:15.370 --> 01:20:18.890
Hey, Dad. Sorry to bug you.
01:20:19.100 --> 01:20:22.470
Would you mind looking at
my shopping mall design again?
01:20:22.670 --> 01:20:23.930
This one is cheaper.
01:20:24.140 --> 01:20:27.170
But if you check this out...
01:20:27.380 --> 01:20:30.400
...you'll see it has a much better natural flow--
01:20:30.610 --> 01:20:33.640
Cheaper one, like l said.
Now, just let me do my e-mail.
01:20:35.620 --> 01:20:37.710
Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Dad.
01:20:37.920 --> 01:20:40.890
He ain't right.
You're a schmuck! Look at it!
01:20:41.420 --> 01:20:42.410
Surprise.
01:20:42.630 --> 01:20:44.960
Hey, Grandpa.
01:20:45.400 --> 01:20:47.920
Oh, my God.
01:20:51.740 --> 01:20:54.230
When did you get so handsome?
01:20:54.440 --> 01:20:56.850
So, Michael, l had a wonderful idea.
01:20:57.050 --> 01:20:59.450
Your mother's playing canasta with her friends tonight.
01:20:59.650 --> 01:21:02.020
l thought, ''What a great opportunity.''
01:21:02.220 --> 01:21:05.280
You, me and Ben should go and have a boys' night out.
01:21:05.490 --> 01:21:07.930
-Can't. -What do you mean you can't?
01:21:08.130 --> 01:21:09.290
You have to eat sometime.
01:21:09.500 --> 01:21:11.900
We could go, we could whistle at pretty girls.
01:21:12.100 --> 01:21:14.360
-l'm down for that. -See? He's down.
01:21:14.570 --> 01:21:16.630
l don't know what it means, but he's down.
01:21:16.840 --> 01:21:20.270
-Hey. Please. -Don't give me that finger.
01:21:25.310 --> 01:21:27.440
l'll make you a deal.
01:21:27.650 --> 01:21:31.980
lf you come l'll show you the quarter trick.
01:21:32.190 --> 01:21:34.550
-Will you look at the man?
-l'll tell you the secret.
01:21:34.750 --> 01:21:36.650
No, Dad.
01:21:36.860 --> 01:21:38.120
Don't you wanna know how l--?
01:21:38.320 --> 01:21:40.790
l know how you do the stupid trick.
l've always known.
01:21:40.990 --> 01:21:42.290
Can you let me do my work?
01:21:46.870 --> 01:21:48.530
You've always known.
01:21:48.740 --> 01:21:50.200
You're pathetic.
01:21:51.200 --> 01:21:52.730
Okay.
01:21:55.410 --> 01:21:57.970
l'm so sorry l barged in.
01:21:58.380 --> 01:22:00.470
l love you, son.
01:22:03.280 --> 01:22:05.150
See you later, Grandpa, l love you.
01:22:05.350 --> 01:22:06.940
Dad.
01:22:07.620 --> 01:22:09.380
Pop.
01:22:09.590 --> 01:22:11.280
Pop.
01:22:35.350 --> 01:22:37.410
l love you, son.
01:22:41.420 --> 01:22:43.480
l love you, son.
01:22:45.190 --> 01:22:47.220
l love you, son.
01:22:53.200 --> 01:22:55.390
l love you too, Dad.
01:23:00.670 --> 01:23:02.470
l'll miss you.
01:23:04.840 --> 01:23:06.210
You know that.
01:23:09.880 --> 01:23:11.540
Goodbye.
01:23:37.380 --> 01:23:39.740
l'm sorry about your father.
01:23:40.180 --> 01:23:44.140
Taking him wasn't something
l wanted to do.
01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:46.320
What do you mean ''taking him''?
01:23:46.520 --> 01:23:48.110
l'm an angel, Michael.
01:23:48.660 --> 01:23:50.320
An angel?
01:23:51.220 --> 01:23:53.750
l thought an angel was supposed to protect people.
01:23:53.960 --> 01:23:56.020
l'm the angel of death.
01:23:57.960 --> 01:24:00.760
Your dad, it was his time.
01:24:02.370 --> 01:24:04.340
You bastard.
01:24:12.080 --> 01:24:13.940
All right, leave me alone.
Leave me alone.
01:24:14.150 --> 01:24:17.610
You had your fun.
Just take me to a good place.
01:24:33.600 --> 01:24:38.200
And now, everybody, it's time for
Mr. Newman to say a few words.
01:24:38.810 --> 01:24:40.360
Yay, Michael!
01:24:42.410 --> 01:24:45.170
Go get them, Michael! Speech!
01:24:47.980 --> 01:24:50.470
Wedding cake. Wedding cake.
01:24:51.250 --> 01:24:54.050
Okay, where's the groom? S
how your face.
01:24:54.250 --> 01:24:55.850
Hi, Dad.
01:24:56.560 --> 01:25:00.190
Ben. l didn't miss my son's wedding.
01:25:00.390 --> 01:25:04.830
Wow, this is terrific, buddy.
Who's the lucky lady?
01:25:05.470 --> 01:25:08.060
Very funny, Mr. Newman.
01:25:10.940 --> 01:25:12.400
Aunt Peggy, is that you?
01:25:13.970 --> 01:25:15.910
God, you got old.
01:25:17.880 --> 01:25:23.210
No, no. l-- She-- l'm just playing.
She knows that.
01:25:29.060 --> 01:25:30.350
Ma.
01:25:34.460 --> 01:25:36.860
Ben's wife...
01:25:37.500 --> 01:25:38.760
...welcome to the family.
01:25:38.970 --> 01:25:40.130
Thank you.
01:25:40.330 --> 01:25:43.130
Congratulations.
Let's have the best night, okay?
01:25:53.110 --> 01:25:57.720
Look at you, Ma. You look amazing.
01:25:59.400 --> 01:26:03.060
Michael, you haven't kissed me like that since you were a little boy.
01:26:03.270 --> 01:26:06.600
You are the best, Ma.
You know l know that, right?
01:26:06.800 --> 01:26:09.970
Oh, darling, that's so sweet.
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:14.440
You know, Michael your father would've loved to be here.
01:26:14.640 --> 01:26:16.110
l know, Ma.
01:26:16.980 --> 01:26:20.010
Okay? l'm just glad you're here.
01:26:20.780 --> 01:26:26.150
Me too, bubbala. Me too. Me too. lt's beautiful. Beautiful.
01:26:26.620 --> 01:26:27.990
Beautiful. Look at her.
01:26:28.660 --> 01:26:30.650
Donna, my favorite.
01:26:31.490 --> 01:26:33.830
You're such a schmuck for letting her go.
01:26:34.030 --> 01:26:37.120
But don't let me ruin your evening.
l'll talk to you later.
01:26:37.330 --> 01:26:39.300
Christina.
01:26:42.110 --> 01:26:44.940
Michael, you've been so generous taking care of all this...
01:26:45.140 --> 01:26:46.300
...and the kids' honeymoon.
01:26:46.510 --> 01:26:48.600
-Absolutely. -Thank you so much.
01:26:48.810 --> 01:26:53.010
Of course. Ben's wife seems like a nice kid, huh?
01:26:53.220 --> 01:26:56.150
-l think she's wonderful.
-Definite keeper.
01:26:56.350 --> 01:26:59.880
Here's one you might remember
from The Cranberries.
01:27:05.230 --> 01:27:07.820
Out of all the songs, huh?
01:27:09.470 --> 01:27:11.400
Bill, since it's our son's wedding...
01:27:11.600 --> 01:27:14.500
...do you mind if l dance with my
ex-husband for a minute?
01:27:14.700 --> 01:27:16.970
-Not at all. -Thank you.
01:27:17.170 --> 01:27:19.730
Just have her back by midnight,
all right, champ?
01:27:19.940 --> 01:27:21.140
You got it, Bill.
01:27:33.390 --> 01:27:35.760
Why does he have a bathing suit on?
01:27:37.460 --> 01:27:39.620
Nice Speedo, buddy.
01:27:51.640 --> 01:27:53.510
Still smelling good, huh?
01:27:53.710 --> 01:27:56.200
After all these years.
01:27:57.910 --> 01:27:59.380
Are you happy?
01:27:59.580 --> 01:28:02.310
Of course l'm happy our son just got married.
01:28:02.520 --> 01:28:07.180
Not about that. Are you happy
about where our lives ended up?
01:28:07.390 --> 01:28:10.260
''Ended.'' lt's not over yet.
01:28:10.460 --> 01:28:14.120
-That's my Donna. -lt's true.
01:28:15.630 --> 01:28:17.260
That Samantha?
01:28:17.870 --> 01:28:22.200
Hey. What are you doing?
Put a sweater on. Cover them up.
01:28:23.210 --> 01:28:24.610
What is with you?
01:28:26.580 --> 01:28:28.440
Just kidding, l....
01:28:28.640 --> 01:28:31.480
Just not used to seeing you all grown-up like this.
01:28:32.480 --> 01:28:37.420
Okay, well, if that's your way of telling me that l look pretty, then thank you.
01:28:37.950 --> 01:28:39.390
Let's go get some cake.
01:28:39.590 --> 01:28:41.490
-l'll race you there, Dad. Come on.
-Okay.
01:28:43.190 --> 01:28:44.820
''Dad''?
01:28:47.330 --> 01:28:48.630
Michael, are you okay?
01:28:51.230 --> 01:28:54.760
ls there a doctor? We need a doctor here!
01:28:57.870 --> 01:28:59.170
Michael!
01:28:59.380 --> 01:29:02.140
-Dad! -Dad!
01:29:04.150 --> 01:29:05.840
lt's just corn flakes.
01:29:31.170 --> 01:29:33.940
One dance, you pop an artery.
01:29:35.210 --> 01:29:39.340
Why'd you make me waste my entire life?
01:29:39.550 --> 01:29:41.640
You were fast-forwarding through your life...
01:29:41.850 --> 01:29:44.220
...long before you ever met me.
01:29:44.420 --> 01:29:46.480
You lived the life you chose, big shot.
01:29:47.360 --> 01:29:49.450
This is not the life l wanted.
01:29:49.660 --> 01:29:51.060
lt is.
01:29:56.300 --> 01:29:57.490
Looks like it is.
01:30:01.370 --> 01:30:04.500
Hey. You're up. How you feeling?
01:30:06.440 --> 01:30:09.380
l feel better now that you guys are here.
01:30:09.580 --> 01:30:11.840
Samantha's been here like 36 hours straight.
01:30:12.050 --> 01:30:15.420
She said she wouldn't leave the hospital until you woke up.
01:30:16.390 --> 01:30:20.410
-Why'd you do that?
-Because. You're my father.
01:30:21.020 --> 01:30:23.490
l thought Bill was your father.
01:30:24.230 --> 01:30:26.350
l have two fathers.
01:30:27.330 --> 01:30:31.990
One of them told me he was gonna live till he was 200. Remember?
01:30:33.900 --> 01:30:36.340
You both really need to get some sleep.
01:30:36.540 --> 01:30:38.730
And l got a plane to catch.
01:30:39.480 --> 01:30:42.170
Big Ben's gotta go on his honeymoon.
01:30:42.850 --> 01:30:45.440
Actually, l just canceled the honeymoon.
01:30:45.650 --> 01:30:49.520
Kensington deal might fall through, so l gotta go do damage control.
01:30:49.720 --> 01:30:51.520
-Julie and l can go to ltaly anytime.
-No.
01:30:51.720 --> 01:30:52.950
lt's not that big a deal.
01:30:53.170 --> 01:30:55.400
-That's not fair to your wife.
-Dad...
01:30:55.600 --> 01:30:58.540
...she gets it. Keeping the business going is more important.
01:30:58.740 --> 01:31:01.500
Guys, l'm sorry. You're gonna have to leave. He needs his rest.
01:31:01.710 --> 01:31:02.870
All right. Bye, Dad.
01:31:04.180 --> 01:31:05.940
Bye, Daddy.
01:31:17.390 --> 01:31:19.150
Get this off of me.
01:31:23.700 --> 01:31:25.430
Whoa, whoa!
01:31:25.630 --> 01:31:28.160
Hey, fella, you're a long way from walking out of here.
01:31:28.370 --> 01:31:29.830
l gotta see my son.
01:31:30.040 --> 01:31:32.440
You're not going anywhere. Now, get back into the bed.
01:31:33.210 --> 01:31:35.260
-lsn't that Colin Farrell?
-Where?
01:31:41.350 --> 01:31:42.710
Michael.
01:31:42.920 --> 01:31:46.350
Those machines are keeping you alive.
01:31:46.550 --> 01:31:49.020
l gotta talk to my boy.
01:31:55.960 --> 01:31:58.190
-Michael, stop. -No.
01:32:00.930 --> 01:32:03.930
Michael, it doesn't have to end now.
01:32:12.580 --> 01:32:14.510
Ben!
01:32:26.660 --> 01:32:27.850
Ben!
01:32:36.600 --> 01:32:39.400
Ben!
01:32:41.340 --> 01:32:44.740
Ben!
01:32:47.280 --> 01:32:49.340
Dad? Dad?
01:32:49.920 --> 01:32:51.910
Dad, what are you doing?
01:32:52.120 --> 01:32:54.250
Are you okay?
01:32:54.950 --> 01:32:58.520
-Oh, my God. -Help! Help!
01:32:58.720 --> 01:33:00.720
-Dad! Dad! -Help!
01:33:00.930 --> 01:33:02.480
Ben, Ben.
01:33:06.570 --> 01:33:09.330
Family. Family. Family.
01:33:09.540 --> 01:33:10.590
What?
01:33:10.800 --> 01:33:15.170
Family. Family. Family comes first.
01:33:15.740 --> 01:33:17.440
Family comes first.
01:33:17.640 --> 01:33:19.770
Honeymoon. Honeymoon.
01:33:20.250 --> 01:33:23.410
Honeymoon. l love you.
01:33:25.220 --> 01:33:27.740
Samantha. Samantha.
01:33:27.950 --> 01:33:32.250
l didn't make 200, but l love you.
01:33:32.460 --> 01:33:34.290
l love you.
01:33:35.030 --> 01:33:38.120
Bill, Bill, Bill.
01:34:03.660 --> 01:34:05.650
l'm sorry.
01:34:09.430 --> 01:34:10.900
Michael.
01:34:11.100 --> 01:34:15.260
The note you wrote her, it's in your pocket.
01:34:29.680 --> 01:34:32.340
Forever and ever, babe.
01:34:39.060 --> 01:34:40.530
lt's time to go.
01:35:15.560 --> 01:35:19.660
-Where am l? -You're in Bed Bath & Beyond, sir.
01:35:19.870 --> 01:35:21.360
l was just watching you sleep.
01:35:21.570 --> 01:35:23.970
You looked like you were having a crazy dream.
01:35:24.170 --> 01:35:25.140
What?
01:35:25.340 --> 01:35:29.000
You're not supposed to lay
in the beds but l do sometimes.
01:35:31.980 --> 01:35:34.170
l'm back in the store?
01:35:37.720 --> 01:35:41.210
l'm young again.
l'm young again.
01:35:41.420 --> 01:35:43.390
Well, l mean, you're not ''young'' young.
01:35:43.590 --> 01:35:45.420
l'm young. You're kind of on the back nine.
01:35:45.620 --> 01:35:48.920
No, no. No. l'm just teeing off, baby.
01:35:49.130 --> 01:35:50.560
Look at you.
01:35:50.760 --> 01:35:54.440
You want a friend? You want a friend? l'll be your friend, baby.
01:35:54.640 --> 01:35:57.240
l'll be your friend. l'll be your--
01:35:58.610 --> 01:36:00.980
Oh, my God!
01:36:04.490 --> 01:36:07.010
Yes, my crappy car!
01:36:07.220 --> 01:36:10.590
You mediocre, middle-class piece of shit!
01:36:10.790 --> 01:36:12.560
l love you!
01:36:21.740 --> 01:36:25.610
Pop, Pop. Pop. There he is. There he is.
01:36:25.810 --> 01:36:28.000
-What's wrong? What happened?
-Nothing's wrong.
01:36:28.210 --> 01:36:31.150
Everything's incredible, Ma.
l just wanted to tell you l love you.
01:36:31.350 --> 01:36:32.870
-l love you. -l love you so much.
01:36:33.080 --> 01:36:36.380
You gotta tell me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy.
01:36:36.590 --> 01:36:38.310
A magician never reveals his secrets.
01:36:38.520 --> 01:36:40.990
However, if you invite us over for dinner more--
01:36:41.190 --> 01:36:44.650
You come over tomorrow night, and the night after that. Any time you want.
01:36:44.860 --> 01:36:47.850
-Stop, l'm gonna have a heart attack. -No, l have the heart attacks.
01:36:48.060 --> 01:36:50.900
Thank you so much for giving birth to me l know it hurt. Okay?
01:36:51.100 --> 01:36:54.560
You have no idea. But, honey, please stay off the bong pipe.
01:36:54.770 --> 01:36:56.930
l can't promise you that.
01:36:58.570 --> 01:37:02.240
Okay. l'm up.
01:37:02.440 --> 01:37:04.210
What do you think?
01:37:05.410 --> 01:37:08.110
lf you massage me first.
01:37:08.320 --> 01:37:10.410
Okay, let's go to sleep.
01:37:26.640 --> 01:37:30.700
Mom, wake up! There's a crazy noise downstairs.
01:37:34.640 --> 01:37:35.870
What the heck is going on?
01:37:36.350 --> 01:37:38.640
Hey, do you mind? l am trying to concentrate.
01:37:38.850 --> 01:37:40.580
Here l am, staying up all night...
01:37:40.780 --> 01:37:44.180
...trying to come up with activities for our Fourth of July camping trip...
01:37:44.390 --> 01:37:45.680
...but you won't let me think!
01:37:45.890 --> 01:37:49.980
You want time to think? Why don't you think about the fact that you just wo--
01:37:52.730 --> 01:37:53.850
What did you just say?
01:37:54.060 --> 01:37:56.900
Yes, you heard me. lf you keep up this weird attitude...
01:37:57.100 --> 01:38:00.300
...l won't be able to work for a year and have to plan 10 more vacations.
01:38:00.500 --> 01:38:03.130
-That make you happy? -Did you eat a bad Yodel?
01:38:03.340 --> 01:38:04.360
Give me those big lips.
01:38:06.640 --> 01:38:09.480
-What's going on down here? -Ben. Ben!
01:38:09.680 --> 01:38:11.040
Come here. Oh, my God.
01:38:11.250 --> 01:38:13.680
l missed you, l missed you. Look at you, boy.
01:38:13.880 --> 01:38:16.940
l'm gonna finish the tree house. We're gonna sleep in it next weekend.
01:38:17.150 --> 01:38:20.120
From now on, we're gonna exercise and l'm not gonna wear a Speedo.
01:38:20.320 --> 01:38:21.350
-All right! -All right.
01:38:21.560 --> 01:38:24.890
And you. Nice jump! l love you.
01:38:25.090 --> 01:38:27.820
One day, you are gonna be the hottest chick alive.
01:38:28.030 --> 01:38:29.430
But you still gotta have brains.
01:38:29.630 --> 01:38:31.530
So tomorrow l'm gonna teach you calculus.
01:38:31.730 --> 01:38:32.930
You know calculus?
01:38:33.140 --> 01:38:35.500
l knew you'd call me on that. Your mom will teach you.
01:38:35.700 --> 01:38:38.430
Now, get your rest, because tomorrow we're going camping!
01:38:38.640 --> 01:38:40.370
l know! lt's gonna be the best!
01:38:40.580 --> 01:38:43.200
-Put a sweater on! Don't take it off! -Okay, Daddy.
01:38:43.410 --> 01:38:44.940
Oh, and Sundance!
01:38:45.150 --> 01:38:49.550
Doggie years go by very quick so it's time to enjoy the real thing.
01:38:51.520 --> 01:38:53.780
Yeah, go get some, baby.
01:39:08.840 --> 01:39:11.810
What are you doing? What are you doing?
01:39:13.140 --> 01:39:16.110
No. Go to Sundance, not the duck.
01:39:21.580 --> 01:39:23.570
They told me at the pet store it was a female.
01:39:23.790 --> 01:39:25.150
They lied to me, l guess.
01:39:27.420 --> 01:39:30.620
-You staying downstairs tonight? -Why? That's getting you going?
01:39:31.730 --> 01:39:35.720
lt's Fourth of July l'm gonna celebrate with my wife.
01:39:35.930 --> 01:39:40.430
Take my time, massage her make sure she is fully satisfied.
01:39:40.640 --> 01:39:44.570
But you know, it isn't the Fourth of July, it's only the second.
01:39:44.770 --> 01:39:48.270
That's even better. Happy second of July, honey.
01:39:48.480 --> 01:39:50.270
-Think l like this holiday.
-Yeah?
01:39:50.480 --> 01:39:52.950
l'm gonna go change into my Pocahontas costume.
01:39:53.150 --> 01:39:56.950
-l'll see you upstairs.
-l'll bring the duck.
01:39:57.150 --> 01:40:00.950
Okay, l gotta call my dad and tell him to get the old tent ready.
01:40:22.980 --> 01:40:26.210
''Like l said, 'Good guys need a break.'
01:40:26.980 --> 01:40:30.210
l know you'll do the right thing this time.
01:40:30.420 --> 01:40:32.890
Love, Morty.
01:40:33.360 --> 01:40:34.720
P.S.:
01:40:34.920 --> 01:40:38.650
Your wife's rocking body still drives me crazy.''
01:40:39.360 --> 01:40:41.490
Okay, Morty.
01:41:04.660 --> 01:41:07.190
Hey, who wants to have a pillow fight?